


In Times Of Need

by cress26



Category: The Blacklist (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Gun Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:34:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23912386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cress26/pseuds/cress26
Summary: A fatal showdown leaves Katarina dead, Red in a coma, and Liz suffering with grief and guilt; now it's up to Agnes to fix what's broken.
Relationships: Elizabeth Keen & Raymond Reddington, Elizabeth Keen/Raymond Reddington
Comments: 101
Kudos: 358





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter may not be for the faint of heart...
> 
> Many thanks to my beta heatherpeters for all her help and advice on this story.

Today was the day.

The day of truth.

Today all secrets would be revealed.

Today the veil would finally be lifted and the hidden face that was concealed for decades would be brought to light. 

Today, Elizabeth Keen would gain knowledge of the true identity of Raymond Reddington. 

******

When Katarina had called this morning to tell Liz that she had completed the puzzle, that she somehow had gotten ahold of evidence that could bring Reddington down for once and for all, Liz was ecstatic and excited.

After all these years she’d finally outsmarted him. The plan to fake Katarina’s death and have her digging and searching from the shadows was an ingenious plan and it had worked well.

Today would change everything; today she would free herself from his claws of lies and deception and from the daunting power he held over her. 

Today she would get rid of the darkness that surrounded her life ever since Reddington had stepped into it. 

Today would end everything and she couldn’t wait.

All Liz wanted to do was live a peaceful life with Agnes and bond with her long lost mother.

There was a lightness in her steps when Liz hurried up the stairs to the apartment where Katarina wanted to meet. A happiness and a sense of peace she hadn’t felt in a long time surrounded her. 

Smiling, she reached into her jeans pocket and pulled out the key to the front door when she noticed the door was ajar. 

She paused. 

Katarina would not leave the door unlocked. She was usually very careful about security.

Something was wrong. 

Liz pulled her gun from her belt holster and released the safety catch.

Very carefully she pushed the door open and her blood froze with an unnamable sickening terror, ripping away her joviality at the sight that greeted her.

A potted plant placed in the long corridor had been knocked over, blood splatter all over the adjacent walls and carpet, where Katarina’s bodyguard Berdy lay dead on the floor. 

Stepping over shattered lamps and broken picture frames in her path, she tried to be quiet. Whatever happened here, it wasn’t over. Liz heard voices coming from the back of the apartment, then a single gunshot echoed down the hall. 

Fear and adrenaline rushed through her system when Liz tiptoed closer to the source, her gun raised, hoping the low creaks on the floor wouldn’t alert them to her presence before she had time to survey the situation. 

One voice was female, harsh and angry and on the verge of tears, the other distinctly male, hoarse, filled with heavy breaths and pauses, as if the person owning it was in pain. 

But the most troubling voice she heard came from a child weeping.

She listened. No, that couldn’t be … but it was …she’d always recognize that sound. 

Yes, it was Agnes, sobbing. 

Liz was shocked, gasping for air, her heart's pounding amplified.

What was Agnes doing here? Was her little girl all right?

“You bastard!”

Liz made out Katarina’s voice; Strong, frightening and furious. 

“I should finish you right away.”

“Not in front of Agnes.” The male voice said, unfazed. “Not again.”

Reddington! The male voice belonged to Reddington. How on earth had he managed to track her mother down? How did he get wind of this apartment? Why did he always cross well-considered plans? 

Damn him!

Liz gripped her gun tighter and put her finger on the trigger as she slowly inched forward, listening to the ongoing conversation. 

“Tell me why!” Why did you become Reddington instead of him?” Katarina asked. 

“It doesn’t matter why. It was either you or her,” Red answered. “I chose Elizabeth and it was the right choice. Ilya would have done the same.”

“Of course it was the right choice, but you were supposed to clear my name, not let me rot in exile.”

“I didn’t think you deserved redemption. You’ve betrayed and manipulated everyone, family and friends, for your benefit.”

“You’ve forced me to remain in the shadows for decades. I had to watch my little girl grow up without me.” She accused, raising her voice again. 

“Oh, she has turned out quite well, Katarina, even without your influence. Like mother, like daughter,” Red laughed with a degree of ironic amusement and taunt. “She has deceived and betrayed me just like you’ve done.”

Liz reached the living room doorway. She ducked in fear of being caught but her eyes were fixated on the gruesome, shocking sight. 

Ilya lay dead right at the entrance. 

Katarina stood in the middle of the room, facing away from her, wildly waving a gun.

She could see Red on the floor, leaning heavily against a wall. Agnes was huddled against his side, crying. 

There was so much blood on their clothes, on their faces. 

Liz’s stomach clenched in distress; she nearly grew sick until she realized the blood came from Red, spurting from a deep wound on his left thigh, running down his leg, soaking his suit pants. He was attempting to apply a tourniquet above the wound with Agnes’s scarf while he kept talking to Katarina, distracting her. 

Unfortunately, there was another nasty gash on his right shoulder and both injuries left him immobile on the ground and too weak to secure the bandage effectively. 

It was a disturbing sight; He was disarmed, helpless, defenseless and very much in pain.

“It was a mistake coming here, Raymond.” Katarina snarled in a roar of anger. 

“You must be stopped.” Red croaked, causing her to let out a demonic laugh.

“I can’t wait to see you try.”

Liz knew she should intervene, end the bloody situation and most of all get Agnes out of harm’s way, but she couldn’t tell who was good and who was bad in this game at this point, leaving her torn between her mother’s instinct to save her child and the need to gain possible answers to questions she’d been wondering all her life.

Her quest for a decision was short-lived however when another heart-wrenching sob from Agnes tore through her. 

She had to get Agnes out of this precarious situation. Right now!

She couldn’t understand how Katarina or Red would drag Agnes purposely into this fight in the first place. Something had gone very wrong here. 

Liz rose, her hands were shaking so bad that she almost dropped the gun when she stepped over Ilya’s lifeless body. 

“Get the hell away from my daughter, both of you!” Liz warned, hoping her voice sounded more convincing than she felt. 

Katarina whirled around, aiming her gun on Liz. 

Agnes leapt off the floor and ran towards Liz, seeking cover and protection. 

“Mommy …”

Crying so intently she could barely talk, the little girl was visibly petrified by all she’d witnessed. 

Wrapping her small arms around Liz’s legs, she hid behind them, as Liz’s free hand came down, soothingly caressed her head and shoulder to provide her with as much comfort as she could. 

“Elizabeth …” Red rasped. “Welcome to this outstanding carnage. I hope you don’t mind that we’ve started without you.”

God, how Liz hated his mockery, and the intense delight he took in humiliating and ticking off everyone else when he was already down for the count. 

As if on cue, Katarina targeted her weapon back on Red, the look in her eyes cold and cruel. 

Liz understood that Red had succeeded in drawing away Katarina’s attention from Liz and Agnes, giving her time to bring Agnes to safety. 

She had to act quickly. 

“Agnes, honey, let’s play a game.”

Liz put her gun back into the holster, faking a smile for Agnes, hoping her two opponents would play along for the time being. 

Pulling Agnes with her, Liz stepped into the corridor, and walked to a large wardrobe, opening its door.

“Get inside and count to 50, will you?” She caressed her cheek, wiping away the tears, she knew she would weep later for doing this to her own child. She was such a horrible mother.

“I’ll come back and get you when you’re done.”

It was as if history repeated itself all over again when Agnes nodded and climbed inside, hiding behind the array of thick coats hanging there.

Liz closed the door behind her, allowing the showdown to begin. 

“You heard it, Raymond. Time is ticking.” Katarina growled, wresting away the scarf around his leg. “We want answers.”

Red remained silent, angering her to the point of blustering fury. 

Liz came back into the living room, looking at two of the most important people in her life. Gun raised, she wasn’t ready to pick a side for either of them. 

“What were you thinking?” She hissed. “How dare you put my little girl through this?”

“Nine… ten…” they heard Agnes counting, then a sob. “Eleven …”

“Shoot him, Liz!” Katarina demanded. “It’s all his fault. He’s brought nothing but suffering into our lives.”

Liz’ heart was pounding so hard now, it felt like someone was punching her from the inside. She couldn’t believe her mother was asking this of her. 

Katarina swung her gun toward Red.

“I said shoot him!” She sneered. “Or I will.”

“Twenty-four.”

Red still didn't react, didn't flinch, didn't even sigh. In fact, his breathing was perfectly regular and calm. Dropping his head and folding his hands in his lap, he avoided to look at Liz, refusing her any help or reassurance on the matter. 

What on earth?

“This ends right now!” 

Katarina was beside herself with rage and Liz knew her well enough to know that she was going to shoot: her desire for revenge far greater than the need for answers.

She studied her eyes, the crucial moment to prevent her from her next course of action was now.

“Put your gun down, mother. We'll find another way.”

“He left me in misery, Liz.” 

“But this isn't the way to get justice.” 

“Oh, it's the only way.” Katarina’s voice cracked. “The only way he understands.”

“Thirty-six.”

“Mom, please.”

“I’ve waited a lifetime to hear you call me mom again.”

Tears started brimming in Katarina’s eyes and she lowered the barrel of her gun, convincing Liz she’d given up. 

Then suddenly, before Liz had time to blink an eye, it was over.

Katarina pulled the trigger, shooting at Red on the floor, then surged around to take aim at Liz. 

Without thinking, Liz fired her gun two times, hitting Katarina in the chest, killing her instantly. 

Red was hit in the belly, causing him to hunch forward, then tilting to the side as the bullet tore through his lower intestine.

Curled up in fetal position on the floor, he clutched his stomach, wheezing, a puddle of blood slowly forming under his body.

Time stood still; the silence was deafening. 

In a final show of strength, Red turned his head to finally look at Liz. 

“You did it again,” was all he uttered out throatily, pain and disappointment flickered in the depths of his green eyes, tearing her heart apart. 

With that he lost consciousness and closed his eyes. 

“Fifty.”

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Mrs. Henderson was a typical lady in her eighties. Widowed, she combined her private, loving heart with a feisty temperament and mouth to match. She was still driving a car, had a sharp mind and memory and went to church every Sunday. 

Owning a property in upstate Washington, a small house with a garden and a white picket fence, she hid unbeknownst to the world, criminal Raymond Reddington.   
The old underground bomb shelter in Mrs. Henderson’s backyard, constructed during the Cold War, had been turned into a makeshift hospital room three months before. 

Concealed between lush green bushes and shade trees in her garden was the entrance to the hidden subterranean housing, but there was also a secret tunnel connecting the shelter with the house. 

Red lingered in a coma since the shooting and his medical team was unable to move him every few days, so they’d looked into a more permanent solution. Suggested by Red’s associate Glen Carter, Mrs. Henderson’s home came into play. Who would suspect an old lady helping No.4 on the FBI’s most wanted list?

******

Much of the aftermath of the gunning was still a blur to Liz.

The moment Red had lost unconsciousness, Dembe and two more men had rushed into the apartment and took immediate action to save Red’s life. 

She remembered shouts and directions, an urgent phone call, but it was all as if she was experiencing things through a thick cloud of cotton, dulling her senses. 

Traumatized by Agnes in the closet, all she could think of was releasing her crying child, scooping her up into her arms and leaving the scene to bring her home.

Together, they’d showered the blood away, then Liz focused all her attention and care on Agnes, successfully ignoring her own mental state in the first few hours after the incident. 

When Harold Cooper had called the same day to offer her some time off to recover, she’d accepted gladly.

Liz had firmly banished all thoughts of her mother and Red to the darkest recesses of her mind until Dembe stood at her door the next morning, his expression anguished. 

He’d come to check on Liz and Agnes, but also to inform Liz that Red had spent hours in surgery and had barely survived several shots, suffering severe body trauma.  
One bullet had cracked the scapula bone in his shoulder. Another had wreaked havoc within his intestines; he’d undergone colon resection surgery where part of the ruptured flesh was removed. 

He’d gone into shock from severe blood loss from the shot in his leg; his blood pressure had tanked dangerously low. 

After endless hours on the operating table, as a precaution, the doctors had put him into a medically induced coma in order to heal. 

It was supposed to last for a short period of time. The surgeries had succeeded and he’d regained the dangerous loss of blood. All vital signs appeared hopeful; however, Red had failed to regain consciousness.

Hooked up to life-support systems and monitoring equipment, he’d been successfuly hidden away in Mrs. Henderson’s bomb shelter. 

The immersed hideout was an engineering marvel complete with electricity, ventilation system, running water and a toilet facility. However, it was noticeably plain with its white walls and tiled floor. There were no decorations, no pictures, no furnishings, except an old armchair, probably borrowed right out of Mrs. Henderson’s living room, placed beside the hospital bed.

The bed was surrounded by medical equipment and instruments, keeping tabs on Red’s health, their beeping and chirping the only sound in the room.

Artificial lights lit the space like day, but it was the low ceiling, the quiet cold, the heavy antiseptic smell and the presence of sickness, mixed together that gave the room a rather spirit-crushing atmosphere. 

A trained nurse was hired to remain at Red’s bedside day and night, checking his vital signs. A doctor and an entire medical team were on standby, just in case there were unexpected difficulties.

In the safety of darkness, Liz had started to visit him every day, not by choice, but by moral obligation, leaving Agnes with babysitter Rosa. 

Red laid still and unmoving in the hospital bed, his face pale as paper, his eyes closed. Tubes connected him to the lifesaving machines, yet he appeared peaceful, as if he were simply sleeping.

It was her fault he'd ended up in this condition and her shame went deep, yet her remorse and despair angered her, and she grew resentful instead of conciliatory and caring. 

Liz sat beside his bed, however, was unable to look at him, not to mention speak to him.

How do you talk to a person in a coma?

She found she had nothing to say to him except accusations and criticism. 

The constant beeping of the cardiac monitor frazzled her nerves and drove her crazy, so she paced the room like a caged animal, her eyes flashed indignation, her gaze harsh, her anger and frustration thick in the air.

She knew she should feel something else. Guilt. Horror. Grief. Worry. But she felt none of these. She barricaded herself emotionally, blocking out her feelings. 

Someplace in the back of her mind, she knew this was wrong, but she couldn’t help herself. She felt like she was trapped in a harrowing, surrealistic dream or hallucination. It was all too much for her; she just wanted to get the hell away.

Dembe tried to change her point of view when he reconstructed, down to the last detail, the sequence of events leading to the fatal showdown with Katarina.

At first, Liz refused to admit that there could have been an error in her judgement. In her eyes it was all Red’s fault; he and his secrets were the root of everyone’s pain and conflicted nature and therefore leading to a fatal course of action and measures. 

He’d even dragged Agnes into the entire mess, something that could not be forgiven. 

But as it had turned out, the true evil in this crisis had been her mother. She wanted revenge, far more than mere survival or the truth. 

Katarina had never maintained evidence to bring Reddington down. She’d abducted Agnes from school, then had used the child to lure Red and Ilya into a trap. 

Of course, Red had come to Agnes’ rescue, just as Katarina had hoped he would. He’d managed to free Agnes from her clutches, but Ilya and Berdy had to pay the price. If it hadn’t been for Liz, Red might as well had joined their fateful ending. 

So ultimately, if anyone was to blame, then it was her herself, for conspiring with her mother, for the continued hunt for truth, even though Red had pleaded for years to leave it be. 

The events of the shooting continued to weigh on Liz as well. Not only had she killed her father all these years ago, but now she’d also killed her mother. She’d killed both her parents. How was she ever going to live with that knowledge? How would she never outgrow the trauma of seeing her mother dead before her?

The more days passed, the more all Liz felt was an overpowering numbness. She felt hollowed out, empty. 

All she wanted was to run from this place as fast as her legs would carry her, find a private beach on which to lose herself. Better yet, she wanted a dark hole in which she could hide until the present madness faded, assuming it ever did.

Red could theoretically be in a coma forever or he suffer permanent damage and be handicapped for the rest of his life if he decided to wake up after all.

For eleven days, Red was unable to breathe, and his chest rose and fell with the action of the ventilator. 

Much to everyone's surprise, he finally began to breathe on his own.

Despite the emotional eruptions taking place all around her with regard to this promising development, she felt largely detached from the occasion, immune from the euphoria that seemed to be engulfing everyone else.

After the rhythmic monotonous beat of the machine had ceased, Liz thought it was only a matter of a few days before Red would wake up, but the days passed. Week after week passed and Red remained in his comatose state, the printout of the electrocardiogram showing no improvement.

What was she doing here? 

This was no longer her life.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Elizabeth sat in the waiting area of a child psychology office. The room was inviting and welcoming, wallpapered in soft soothing colors. Diffused lighting from table lamps provided a relaxing and comforting atmosphere. She was surrounded by safe and child friendly furniture, toys and books. 

However, she was far from feeling at ease. The waiting made her anxious, but it needed to be done. 

When Agnes had started having recurring nightmares in the aftermath of the shooting and appeared withdrawn and quiet, Liz had assigned her for therapy sessions. 

She’d been through so much in her young life, causing Liz to feel increasingly guilty for making things so hard for the youngster. Agnes desperately needed stability, love and happiness and not that constant cloud of danger and death that followed her. 

A door opened and Dr. Helen Brown emerged from her office.

A woman in her forties with short salt and pepper hair, she was dressed in fashionable jeans and a tight white tailored blouse. Two thin gold bracelets dangled from one of her wrists.

Her appearance radiated confidence, but it was the pleasant lovely smile and the warmth in her brown eyes that offset the business-like impression. 

“Elizabeth, do you have a minute?” she asked.

“Sure.”

Through the open door, Liz could see Agnes sitting at a small table drawing.

“Agnes keeps sketching a man in a hat. She calls him Ray.”

At the preliminary talk, Liz had filled Helen in on her line of work and the events but had of course avoided names of the people participating. 

“Yes, he was involved in the incident. We’re assuming he saved her life.”

“What happened to him?”

“He was severely injured in the shooting and has been in a coma since.”

“Well, that explains the amount of blood Agnes paints around him.”

Helen handed her the pictures.

“Oh my god,” Liz breathed horrified, going through each paper. 

The drawings were grossly abstract, but the same person could be made out, recognizable because of the hat, laying in a pool of dark red blood. 

“I’ve asked her to draw what she sees in her nightmares and it’s him. I believe she wonders about his condition.”

“She never mentioned him to me.”

“It’s his injuries that troubles her the most. Do you think it’s possible to take her see him?”

“I don’t think it’s wise to put her through this again.” Liz doubted Helen’s suggestion.

“Why?”

“Two years ago, I was in a coma for ten months. That was a difficult time for her as well.”

“That may be true, but it’s the uncertainty that weighs on her more. I absolutely recommend confronting her with his current state.”

Liz still wasn’t convinced. 

“We’ll deal with the consequences afterwards, if that’s necessary, but I honestly think she’ll be fine and much better after her visit.”

“Ok then.” Liz gave in.

Helen eyed her, curious. “By the way, what’s your connection to that man?”

Liz hung her head at the question, avoiding any eye contact, mumbling.

“That’s complicated.”

******

Mrs. Henderson sat by Red’s hospital bed reading aloud from the bible.

_“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.”_

She paused, softening her voice as she continued. 

_“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”_

Liz caught the last words, and somehow, they hit a nerve, tucking at emotions she'd thought long suppressed, however should remain long buried.

She cleared her throat to make herself known.

“Oh hello, Miss Keen.”

Mr. Henderson closed the bible and stood up.

“I read to him sometimes,” she explained. 

Her gaze lingered on Red for a moment, with something akin to longing in her expression.

“My husband used to read to me from the bible every night for as many years as I can remember. He always said it was the best way to get a sense of peace and strength.”

She blinked, shook her head and exhaled an ironic laugh. “Didn’t help him survive his cancer, though.” 

She gracefully walked around the bed, in an attempt to leave. 

“It’s odd but he reminds me of my husband very much; He’s just as handsome.”

Mrs. Henderson laughed again and winked at Liz who responded with a forced smile. 

“This is my daughter Agnes.” She said, quickly changing the subject.

“Aren’t you a sweet thing?” Mrs. Henderson exclaimed charmingly, but Agnes stood behind Liz unresponsively, almost fearful, with her face pressed against Liz’s leg, inspecting Mrs. Henderson skeptically. 

“She’s shy.” Liz tried to excuse Agnes’ attitude but Mrs. Henderson simply nodded in understanding and left them alone.

The timid behavior of Agnes with strangers was new, but really no surprise after recent experiences. Taking her down this rabbit hole was equally daunting, something Liz dreaded doing with all her heart. This was no place for a child and she only agreed because Helen insisted it was the right thing to do. 

“Ray!” Agnes suddenly shouted, as she spotted him. She jerked away from Liz’s leg and ran toward his bed, thrilled and happy to see him.

“Honey, please be careful!” 

Liz tried to dampen her daughter’s unexpected enthusiasm, but it wasn’t required. Mindful of the tubes and his body, Agnes climbed onto the bed beside him. 

She certainly didn’t do this for the first time. 

Placing her tiny little hands gently on his cheeks, she caressed his pale face.

“Hi Ray.”

She smiled at him sweetly.

“Ray, when are you going to wake up?”

She looked at him questioningly but of course didn’t get a response. Peering at him intently, she studied his motionless form for long moments.

“He’s still tired, mommy.” She then stated matter-of-factly and looked at Liz. “You were tired for a long time too.”

Liz felt a knot in her throat and the tears she’d been fought for weeks finally threatened to spill down her face. She quickly turned away to hide her emotions.

“If you say so, sweetheart; it must be true.” She managed to say as she settled down in the chair beside the bed.

“I brought the book, Ray.” Agnes announced excitedly, focusing all her attention back on Red. “The one we read to mommy.”

She opened the book and scrolled through the pages.

_“By the big red barn  
In the great green field,  
There was a pink pig  
Who was learning to squeal.”_

Agnes giggled, delighted she remembered the text by heart.

“There is the sheep and the donkey, the geese and the goats, the kittens and the puppies.”

She pointed on each animal, engrossed in her speech. 

“The cow and the horse. The scarecrow on the field.” She babbled on, undeterred and unimpressed by his unresponsiveness. 

Liz stared in wonder at her child. She hadn’t seen Agnes so animated and carefree in weeks.

She’d never quite understood Agnes’ obsession with that book, why it was so special and important to her, until now. 

Red must have read the rhymes and had taught her the animals when she was in a coma. 

Liz was surprised by Agnes’s obvious attachment. She never knew they were this close, had no idea that their time together would have a long-term impact.

She knew nothing about the time Agnes spent with Red while she was in a coma because she’d never asked, had never made an effort to find out.

Instead she had separated them, kept them apart by choice, but that didn’t do any harm to their connection. 

The bond between them hadn’t weakened in time. 

And much to Liz’s dismay, for the next couple of days, Agnes persisted to come along for each visit. She filled her little backpack with toys, some candy and always remembered to include the farm book for her time with Ray.

The tantrums she threw Liz, which included yelling, crying, and stomping her feet, when Liz wanted to make her stay at home were severe. So, for the sake of peace Liz gave in, but that didn’t mean that she approved. 

The more Agnes flourished with each visit, the more Liz opposed her daughters’ alleged wrongful behavior. 

Agnes was unusually forward with him, fearless, confident and unashamed to give him affection, smiles, and cuddles.

Of course, deep inside Liz knew what was really bothering her. 

She absolutely resented Agnes’ commitment because it painfully reminded her how deep and how long he’d been the center of her universe all these years ago and how it all didn’t matter today. 

Also, it felt like Agnes was holding up a mirror to her actions. It should be her talking to him, reading to him. He had taken care of her relentlessly for ten months, while she couldn’t even tolerate three. 

It was his own fault he’d ended up here, despite Liz’s irrevocable involvement.

Every time she contemplated the event and circumstances that lead to his predicament, she couldn’t help to continue to blame him. 

For as long as she could remember his secrecy had caused doom to everyone involved.

She was tired of being the pawn in his chess game and she wouldn’t allow Agnes to become the next victim of the pain he caused. 

All these thoughts recurred with increasing frequency, raising a level of anger and bitterness that she feared would never go away. 

This needed to end. Soon.

******

It felt like he had been at sea for months, sailing through thick, incessant fog. But now Red felt a new and strange sensation, as if he were drifting upwards, slowly borne upon a strong wind. The darkness melted away, replaced by light.

His eyes fluttered open, he was groggy and dazed while he looked around the room to figure out where he was located, as the shape and size of the room slowly came into focus. 

He was surrounded by the blinking lights of enough monitors to put a Christmas tree to shame, however no one seemed to notice that he had woken up. 

The chair beside his bed was empty, he noticed with a sinking feeling. Did he really expect to find Elizabeth sitting there? 

And where was Dembe?

Instead he found Agnes in bed next to him, snuggled against his side, sleeping peacefully.

That precious child… He was instantly relieved that she was fine. 

With some effort he managed to move his hand to caress her, careful not to startle her.

Agnes raised her head and temporary stared at him in confusion and disbelief. But while he expected her to run and make the good news known right away, she remained with him a moment longer, her lips spreading into a huge triumphal smile. 

He smiled back at her as if sharing a secret. 

Only then she hopped off the bed.

“Mommy!!!”

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always hated how the time Agnes spent with Red, while Liz was in coma, was swept under the rug on the show. Well, not here!  
> Thank you to heatherpeters for the beta and all her help on this story!


	4. Chapter 4

People bustled around Red’s hospital bed like bees. Beside him, the doctor and the nurse took his vitals and ran several tests to check his responses.

Mrs. Henderson, Dembe and Agnes stood at the end of the bed; two security guards peeked in from the entranceway.

Their expressions were one of relief and joy when all of Red’s results came back normal.

Dembe and Agnes went for a loving hug while Mrs. Henderson sent a silent prayer of thanks to the heavens above.

Only Liz stood leaning against the farthest wall, her arms crossed over her chest in a defensive manner as she watched the proceedings.

Every bit of her body language implied discomfort and inconvenience.

Red noticed her unhappy mood, twice when he looked over at her he caught her looking at him, frowning; She made it plain the two weren't on good terms.

He desperately pondered what he might say to her, but the effort seemed to go against him; his mind was blank as he still felt exhausted and weak. 

His eyes closed on their own accord and the doctor advised everyone to leave to give him more needed rest.

Liz took Agnes by her hand and quickly left Red for the night without having exchanged a single word.

******

Whether it was serendipity, fate or good timing remained to be seen when Liz received a phone call the same evening.

“This is real estate agent Sean Miller, Mrs. Keen. You wanted to be notified when a certain property in Nebraska was placed back on the market. Is that correct?”

“Yes, that is correct.”

“Well, I guess I have good news then.”

Liz’s heart beat fast at the unexpected opportunity opening to her. This was finally the way out she was looking for.

******

Early in the morning the next day, Liz went to see Red, hoping to be able to talk to him alone.

Facing away from her he sat in a wheelchair trying to hold and read the newspaper, which proved to be difficult as his arms and legs felt weak and dilapidated, a little like spaghetti.

His associates had started to dismantle and now carried out the medical equipment and the bed to clear out the bomb shelter.

“What’s going on here?”

Liz burst into the room without a greeting, immediately agitated again.

“We’re going to switch places for my rehabilitation. We took advantage of Mrs. Henderson’s generosity for far too long.” He said without acknowledging her presence but answered her question, nonetheless.

Hearing his voice after all these weeks sent a shiver down her spine, but it didn’t soften her heart.

“And you were going to tell me _when_? If at all?”

She grabbed the handles of the wheelchair and spun him around.

Totally unimpressed by her forceful movement, he slowly raised his head to look at her at last.

Her beautiful blue eyes were blazing with anger.

He studied her for long, quiet moments. She couldn't ever remember him looking at her that way: So much weariness and disappointment in his eyes.

“Why are you here, Elizabeth?” He finally spoke. “Because you clearly don’t want to be.”

Liz laughed bitterly.

“I’ve been asking myself the same question for the past three months.” She said sarcastically. As angry as she was, she couldn't contain herself.

“I guess I still want answers. Answers my mother wanted to give me but then couldn’t **because I had to shoot her**.”

Liz raised her voice with every word.

“She wasn’t a good person,” Red chipped in. “And you're better off without her in your life.”

“I could say the same about you.” Liz spat back.

He was surprised at how enraged he felt at her comment. She’d been nasty to him before, but this was a new level of injustice and deliberate hurt.

“I thought you were finally on my side, but instead you betrayed me again and conspired with Katarina behind my back.”

He shook his head in disbelief and looked dejectedly at her.

“You’ve played me so well.”

If he’d been able, he would have clapped his hands in mocking applause, instead his shoulders sagged in defeat.

“How could you, of all people, do this to me? - Oh right, that’s what you do.”

He paused, blinking back the hurt.

“Tell me Elizabeth, faking your death… is that some sort of family tradition?”

He tried to flay her with his words in return, each one a little stinging whip of insult. There was so much bitterness in them, such pain.

Liz didn't react to anything he said. She knew he was right, but she wasn’t willing to take the blame.

Red looked at her standing before him, her almost arrogant smug posture she wore like an armor, knowing his words had just bounced off her.

With pain in her heart Liz realized that it was all over. There was no way out of all the resentment, accusations and distrust.

They both harbored too much that was unforgiven; they’d never find common ground again. The space between them had become an unpleasant emptiness, a gulf, over which they had both refused to meet.

She had nothing more to say to him, so she turned on her heels and started to walk away.

He felt so wounded and sad by her attitude and carelessness and with being bound to the wheelchair he felt downright pathetic.

“You should have let me die when you had the chance, Elizabeth.”

His statement made her stop in her tracks and made her bite down on her lip, but she didn’t turn to face him. She didn’t want him to see her despair.

Instead she marched on, giving him a silent confirmation of his notion.

******

Each day saw satisfying developments as Red’s physical and mental condition improved. In the space of one week he recovered a substantial, yet limited portion of most functions. The efforts of rehabilitation allowed him to re-learn all that he’d lost regarding fine motor skills and muscle movements.

He didn’t keep in touch with Liz at all. He wasn’t trying to punish her by avoiding her; he truly cared about her and wanted the best for her but the emotions of wanting, longing, missing had evaporated with her latest betrayal and behavior. He found himself hurting, guarded and unable to trust her. 

Every time she called, he was silent. He shut her out and each time it was a blow to her heart. He made her feel useless, irrelevant and unwanted, which was new to her.

Her hope for better times, that had sustained her for so long, was starting to fade and when she couldn’t bear it any longer, she decided to go away. Leave it all behind to make a new start somewhere else. She owed Agnes that much. 

When her decision was settled and put in motion, Liz ceaselessly tried to call him every day until one day he finally picked up, his curiosity getting the better of him.

Without any further ado she got down to business.

“I wanted to inform you that I’ve resigned from the FBI. Agnes and I are moving away. I bought Sam’s old house in Nebraska.”

He listened silently to what she had to say, but the whole time he just kept thinking how much he wished both of them could come back together instead of coming apart. The tiny little spark of hope that had flickered in him for so long curled up and died at her words.

“I want a new beginning, a new life.”

“If you’re ever in need.…” He started.

“No!” she harshly interrupted him. “Just no, Reddington; Never again.”

She took a deep breath.

“You’re not following me, and you won’t send anyone to follow me, is that clear?”

“You have my word.”

“Good.” She exhaled, relieved. 

“Nothing of the past matters anymore and now Agnes and I deserve a more happy and brighter future, but we can’t get that here. So, we’ll leave. For good. I hope you understand that.”

“I do.”

There was nothing more to say after that.

“Goodbye, Elizabeth.”

She disconnected the call without answering him.

******

Red watched Rosa and Agnes leaving the playground in the park. The sun was setting and the air was crisp and clean, the light fall breeze ruffling the edges of his black coat.

He walked slowly as he intercepted them on their way to the car, using a cane to support himself. He was still in pain and walked with an obvious limp to his gait.

When they were a few feet apart, Agnes noticed him and broke free from Rosa’s hand and came running toward him, smiling.

“Ray!”

“Agnes, sweetheart.”

He bent down and lifted the child into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck tightly, clinging for a long minute. Reluctantly, Red lowered her to her feet.

“I want ten minutes with her, alone.” He demanded, looking at Rosa who obviously was not happy at his approach.

“No. Elizabeth’s instructions were clear. I’m not to leave Agnes alone for a second.”

Red reached inside his coat pocket and withdrew a stack of bills. He counted them out between his fingers. Ten hundred-dollar bills.

“Don’t you need new shoes, Rosa, or a new haircut?”

He charmingly lured her with the cash, his voice honey-sweet.

Rosa eyed the money, licked her full lips, then looked at the money again.

“You mean that's for me?”

“Ten minutes.”

“Deal.”

Rosa snatched the money from his fingers and wandered away.

“Let’s sit down on that bench, Agnes.”

Red pointed to the nearest wooden seating. She nodded and walked over there with him.

They settled down, half turned towards each other.

“How are you sweetheart?” He asked her, looking down at her lovingly.

“I’m okay. Mommy said we’re moving to Nebraska.”

“Yes, I know.” He nodded.

“Are you coming with us, Ray?”

“No, I’m not.”

Agnes’ face fell at his answer and she instantly teared up, breaking his heart.

“It’ll be fine, sweetheart. Please don’t cry.”

He pulled her onto his lap, rocking her gently.

“You’ll love your grandfather’s old house and I’m sure you’ll find new friends soon too.”

“But I’m gonna miss you.” She sobbed, leaning against him, feeling herself enveloped within his arms.

“I’ll miss you too.”

He swallowed with difficulty at both the reality and the enormity of what was taking place. Elizabeth was going away. He may never see the two women he loved most ever again. 

“There’s something I want you to have, Agnes and I need you to listen closely to me for a moment.”

Curious, she looked up, regarding him with attention.

“I want you to know that you can call me, whenever you’re in trouble, or in need, or in danger, ok? I’ll always help, no matter how far I’m away.”

He pulled a small phone from his coat pocket and gave it to Agnes.

She looked at it in wonder, her tears forgotten.

“Mommy has a phone like this.” She said. “I’m not allowed to touch it.”

“Well, now you’ll have your own and I’ll teach you how to use it.”

Dembe had previously prepared the phone for easy use, had disabled the SIM card lock code and had set up speed dial.

“One the right side of the phone there’s a button. Can you see it?”

Agnes nodded eagerly.

“You need to click on it like this.”

Red pressed the button and the display came to life.

“Aww, there’s a puppy.”

“Yes, there’s a puppy on the screen.”

“Now, do you see the little image here at the bottom? It looks like a picture of a phone.”

“Yes, I can see it.”

“When you press it the screen changes into a keypad. Do you see the numbers and the symbols?

“Yes.”

“Now, the number right in the middle is number 8.”

“I know that one,” Agnes said and started to giggle. “Two circles kissing.”

“Yes, that’s it.”

Red smiled along with her at her innocent point of view.

“Press on the number 8 and then it will appear on the screen. See? It’s right there.”

“Yeah.”

“Now we need the symbol with the receiver again. It’s green and at the bottom and when you touch it, the phone will dial my number.”

Red waited a few seconds, then the phone in his jacket pocket started to ring. He pulled it out and showed it to her, her name blinking in big letters on his display.

Agnes stared with huge eyes as Red answered his phone and she could hear him speak through hers.

“Hello sweetheart.”

She pressed the telephone snugly to her ear, giggling at the endearment.

“Hi Ray.”

They smiled at each other as they kept speaking little nothingness to each other a while longer, then Red ended the call.

He took the phone out of her hands and turned it off, looking at her challenging.

“Call me again. Show me how it works.”

“That’s easy.” Agnes crowed loudly, taking the phone back then started to repeat every step precisely as instructed.

She pressed the side button to bring it back to life and waited until the puppy appeared on screen. She opened the keypad by tapping on the receiver symbol, then touched the number 8 and the green receiver symbol afterwards.

Within a minute his phone started to ring again.

“That’s my girl!” He praised her proudly and briefly answered only to terminate the call again.

“Oh, one more important thing, Agnes.”

He retrieved a cell phone charger from his coat.

“If the battery is empty the phone doesn’t work. So, in this case, you connect the little plug here with the phone.”

He pointed to the open slit at the bottom edge of the phone, then fitted the plug inside. 

“The other end of the cable goes into a socket, but please be careful with it.”

“Mommy sometimes allows me to put in or pull out the plug of the vacuum cleaner,” she said.

“Yes, that’s the same.”

Red tousled the girl's hair affectionately.

“Speaking of mommy…” He looked at her, turning serious.

“Mommy can not know about this phone. It’s our secret. Promise me.”

“I promise.” Agnes instantly said and solemnly swore.

Red then conjured a golden-brown plush teddy bear. His coat seemed to house a lot of surprises today.

“We’ll hide the phone in this teddy bear.”

“He looks like you!” Agnes blurted out and it was true.

The teddy wore a dark blue vest and a silver tie and Red smiled at the resemblance.

“He has a hidden zipper in the back.” Red said and pulled it open.

He turned off Agnes’s phone, then gathered the cable together and pushed both items into the teddy.

Closing the zipper, he handed her the stuffed animal. She immediately hugged it and smiled at him.

“Ten minutes are up.” The sharp voice of Liz announced, startling them both.

Red stood to face her, meeting Rosa with a disapproving look.

“It’s my duty to let Elizabeth know about occurrences like this.” Rosa shrugged. “It ended bad enough the last time I carelessly let Agnes go.”

“It’s time for dinner, honey, let’s go home.” Liz said and held out her hand to Agnes, as she shot a volley of eye-daggers in Red’s direction. She knew better than to make a scene in front of her child.

“I only came to say good-bye to Agnes.” He defended himself.

“Look what Ray gave me, mommy.” Agnes stated, presenting the plushy bear.

“Cute.” Liz faked a smile, then turned to leave, pulling Agnes along with her. 

“Goodbye sweetheart.” Red called softly after them, leaving Liz wondering for a second whom of the two he meant. But then Agnes turned back, waving frantically with the bear in her small hand.

“Bye Ray.”

He swallowed the painful lump in his throat and hoped no one would see the lonely tear sliding down his cheek as he waved back until they were gone.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Four months had passed.

Elizabeth and Agnes had moved into Sam’s former house in Kearney, Nebraska. It was a cute little two-story colonial house, with old aluminum siding, originally red or maroon, now faded to a rose color.

The walls of the front building were plastered with mosaic flagstones, the banisters to the front door, crafted into ornate wrought-iron.

The house and the yard were surrounded by a loop topped wire fence, a matching sliding gate provided entrance to the small driveway.

The entire property was set back and angled away from the street, so it was quiet and peaceful.

The small city of Kearney itself appeared quaint and a little lost in time, yet it seemed clearly proud of its history. 

Despite the provincial ambience, Kearney also offered several cultural and recreational attractions, unique shopping and dining experiences, exceptional schools and two regional medical centers. 

Liz appreciated the friendly people and the serene, safe town settings and lifestyle. Something told her it was just what she needed and was right for her and Agnes to continue their living.

Together, they spent weeks renovating, choosing the furniture and decorations; they were excited to have a new place to call home, to have a place where Agnes could just be a kid. Danger and death belonged to the past.

Through the newspaper Liz had found a babysitter for Agnes, a retired lady named Christina. The amiable older woman would pick up Agnes from pre-school once or twice a week and stay with her until Liz returned home from her long work shifts.

Liz had found a job as a security guard in the local shopping center. Her responsibilities included patrolling and monitoring the premises to detect any irregularities. She’d respond to calls for help or assistance, removing or restraining anyone who threatened the safety or disturbed the peace. It would be her responsibility as well, to contact the fire department or law enforcement if required.

She usually wore a security uniform, but sometimes worked undercover in civilian clothes, detecting alleged thieves.

With her profiling skills, her apprehension rate was above average. She could read people well, recognized their behavior and intentions in order to catch them in the act.

Only the nature of people had changed. While in the past she’d caught the most dangerous and most notorious criminals, now she had to deal with tired and frustrated moms, crying babies, bratty teens and smart-ass men.

So, all was well at first. Liz enjoyed the new work and threw herself wholeheartedly into this new life. However, she was very guarded and cautious and was not about to let anyone get too close; she’d keep people at arm’s length. Her need for peace and privacy was far more important than blending in with the local community.

Agnes was different. She’d adjusted to their new environment and new school very quickly and made new friends in no time.

Liz’s anger had subsided for the most part. She tried not to think about what had happened as she wanted a clean cut from her past and elapsed events had no meaning anymore. The truth about Reddington and the death of her mother was all pushed away into the farthest corner of her mind, never to be mentioned again.

But the more time passed, the more she clung to the illusion that her life was now vastly improved. She found, to her great bewilderment, that she felt more and more empty and lonely instead of renewed and refreshed.

She became restless again and felt like she didn't belong; her heart yearned for something more.

She chastised herself for her weakness, fiercely reminding herself that this was what she wanted, that this was best for her and Agnes.

The days of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's came and went as any other day for her, but she tried at least to make it special for her little girl.

Sometimes thoughts of _him_ nibbled at the edges of her consciousness but she pushed them away. She instead, grasped the resentment she’d leashed, and found that hating him was so much easier.

Agnes and her bear were inseparable, making the toy a thorn in Liz’s side, a constant mockery, but she hoped that in time Agnes would simply forget about him.

But then the dreams started. Vivid, and bold, filled with a face she knew very well. 

_Reddington sat cuffed at the wrists and ankles to a chair inside the containment cell. Beeping, the door of the unit swung slowly outward, then pulled clanking backwards._

_He was so handsome, attractive, intelligent and dangerous; his eyes so inviting, so seductive and deceiving as he laughed._

_Pure velvet was a voice that stroked over her skin, low and vibrant and all male, almost a purr._

_“Agent Keen, what a pleasure.”_

_His amazing eyes searched hers for a long moment. His face softened, almost gentle._

_He was absolutely, entirely focused on her and her alone, making no attempt to conceal the love for her in his eyes._

She woke up, her heart beating fast, the sounds of the box still ringing in her ears.

He returned the following night.

_Standing on the other side of the street in front of his black Mercedes waiting for her._

_She could see the relief in his face, revealing the fact that he’d been worried sick._

_Looking at him from across the street, a shy yet heart-warming smile appeared on his face, unflinching love and adoration shining in his eyes again._

_It curled around her heart until she felt herself melt._

_When she traversed the street there was no other place she wanted to be – in his waiting arms._

She’d expected nightmares. Dreams of blood, loss and fire. Her dead mother coming back to haunt her. But never this.

_Fear and adrenaline had her shaking. She’d never been this scared of losing her life before. They were after her. Hunting her. She’d barely escaped the bullets._

_His embrace was warm, protective and soothing. He held her as close as he could. Caressing fingers calmed her, absorbing the terror from her bones._

Her dreams were filled with him and most times with his smile, his tenderness. His clear and compelling images followed her into daylight, relentlessly poking at the protective walls around her heart which had served her well for so long.

_My life for hers._

_He had traded himself for her. Again._

_Now he stood in her living room. Alive and well._

_He needed her hug more than she would ever know. She felt him relax against her as he took in a deep breath, inhaling her scent and the warmth and sweetness of her skin._

_Inhaling her scent was like breathing in life._

_Then, she placed little Agnes into his arms. He gazed at her and his face lit up like a thousand suns risen all at once._

_He loved them. He loved them both._

Feelings she’d fought so long and so hard came bubbling to the surface, their intensity hitting her in the heart with a realization she'd refused to see before.

He’d always loved her.

That’s what it was.

Love.

Not a game, not lies or a charade.

It was pure and genuine love.

That was the truth she'd searched for.

From the distance she suddenly realized and began to see what he’d really meant to her.

Instead of anger, sadness and grief filled her heart and mind and finally broke her, bringing the tears she hadn’t allowed herself in months.

Regardless the subject, she’d never expressed her feelings appropriately, had always escaped the grip of emotions by denying its presence.

Everything she’d suppressed, repressed or denied hadn’t abandoned her. It had lurked behind her only to return more stealthily, more fiercely than before.

The lock was off, and she had to deal with the emotional consequences of her actions.

The things she deliberately did or didn’t do in certain situations plagued her, as she remembered all the unnecessary drama she’d put him through.

What she believed had been all his fault, was in fact, hers. 

She was overcome with feelings of shame and guilt, but it was too late for regrets now; she’d made her choice and gone away.

There was no turning back – ever.

And it was something that she had to live with for the rest of her life.

For the next several days, depression tightened its grip on her. She sobbed in the car at stoplights, wept in the bathroom stall at work, cried herself to sleep.

Maybe tomorrow will be better, she told herself under covers, as if it were some sort of prayer.

But it never did.

******

“That’s not the price we agreed on, Reddington.” Little Luciano snarled sharply as he and his men drew their guns, prompting Red and his team to pull their own.

The seconds were stiff as the two groups stood each other off with guns pointed at key pieces of anatomy.

Suddenly, the tense silence that surrounded them was rudely disturbed by the shrill ringing sound of Red’s phone as it vibrated through the dark warehouse.

With his free hand, Red slowly reached inside his coat pocket to retrieve it and popped it open.

Icy horror clutched his heart; It was a name and number he recognized, scaring him more than all the guns pointed at him.

“I need to take this.” He said dryly, yet firmly, leaving no room for objections as he turned away.

Little Luciano watched in disbelief as Red strutted off, answering the call.

“Agnes, sweetheart.”

“Ray?”

“Yes Agnes, it’s me.”

His heart ached as he heard her crying softly into the phone and wished he were there to put his arms around her.

“You said I could call.” Agnes spoke in a low, weak voice.

“That’s right…What’s wrong, sweetheart? Are you hurt? Are you in danger?”

For a moment, real fear flooded his body at the idea of her being harmed.

“Mommy cries all the time.”

Of all the worst-case scenarios running through his mind, this clearly wasn't the answer he expected to hear.

“Do you know why mommy is crying?”

“No.” Agnes sobbed. “She said she’s sad.”

Red knew she felt helpless about the situation and the only thing she could do to make herself feel better was to call him and yet he trusted Agnes’ assessment of her mother’s mental state enough to know that this was serious.

“Is she sad because of me?” Agnes’ breathing hitched before Red heard her sniffle again.

The little girl's despair consumed and crushed him.

“No sweetheart, no!” He said with emphasis. “It’s not your fault.”

He desperately searched for words to say, anything to make her stop crying.

“Mommy is probably just tired. The move, fixing up the house and the new work has been stressful for her; sometimes crying helps. It has absolutely nothing to do with you.”

Agnes listened to him with much attention and slowly stopped sobbing.

“Do you know what you can do to help mommy?”

“No.”

“Hug and kiss her some more. Cuddle with her. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?”

“Yes.”

“And now I want you to go back to sleep.”

“Okay.”

“Thanks for calling me, Agnes.”

“Bye Ray.”

“Bye Agnes.”

Red hung up and closed his eyes for a long moment.

Liz absence had left a gaping hole inside of him and the loneliness and pain he’d nurtured since she’d left for Kearney rushed back to fill the space with Agnes’ call.

He’d tried very hard to move on himself, had tried to distract himself, to forget. But Liz was well and truly woven into his heart. For years he’d yearned for the impossible and letting her go was the hardest thing he'd ever done in his entire life and kept him emotionally devastated.

Nighttime shipwrecks were always called disasters because people felt that the errant ship's captain must have lost his direction by losing the North Star.

That was how he felt now: lost and adrift: Without purpose or destination. 

Red opened his eyes and turned back to the men, still pointing their weapons at him. He had to get a grip on his emotions and focus; this wasn’t the time to display any kind of weakness.

“Sweetheart.” Luciano purred, mocking him.

“Nice to have you back with us, Reddington.” He seethed ironically. “I should simply kill you for the insolent raise of our agreed upon price.”

Glancing first at the wooden boxes containing submachine guns and assault rifles, then at Luciano, Red sighed inwardly.

There were times he would have killed Luciano instantly for his impertinence, but right now he was so sick of maintaining his criminal empire with these tiring trades and dealing with these unprincipled, inferior people that all he wanted was to get away as soon as possible.

“I’m a busy man and don’t have time for your complaints, Luciano. Take the guns or leave them.”

“Not for the overpriced rate.”

“That’s too bad then.” Red shrugged and turned away again and left everyone standing as he walked out of the warehouse.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Luciano shouted after him, waving his gun, causing Red’s team to correct their aim on Luciano and his men.

“I’ll kill you, Reddington; I swear to God. You just made another enemy.”

Red didn’t care. He was well aware of Luciano’s drug war in Colombia and knew he needed the guns to gain an advantage. He would buy them, nonetheless, inflated price and all.

As he climbed into the safety of his car, he was preoccupied with thoughts of Elizabeth, and especially with Agnes’ distressed phone call. 

He knew Elizabeth was not able to run from her pains and troubles indefinitely. She couldn’t make them disappear regardless of how far she’d moved away to leave it all behind. It was all bound to catch up with her sooner or later, and it seemed now that it had.

He felt so helpless. He’d promised Liz not to follow her. Even if he offered a helping hand, would she take it?

After the way she’d treated and left him, why should he care? Pain lifted its many-headed presence in Red’s heart to make him remember. But with the ache also came the realization that even if she had severed all ties with him, she was still his weakness. And he still hurt when someone or something hurt her.

Therefore, the decision was simple.

He was going to see her.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Liz arrived at her job for the afternoon shift and proceeded to the locker room to change into her uniform.

Upon entering the room, she couldn’t help overhearing two co-workers talking about her that had her frozen in place.

“She caught two people yesterday. That’s six already this week.”

“Impressive.” The other voice said tauntingly. “Have you ever exchanged anything more than a hello and a good-bye with her?”

“No, I haven’t. Only work-related subjects.”

“Yeah me too. She’s so cold and distant; like she's in her own world all the time. It's as if she doesn't want anyone to approach her.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.”

“Leslie calls her the Ice Queen.”

Both voices viciously laughed.

“Really? Oh, that fits so well.”

“Doesn’t it?”

Liz’s co-workers could hardly contain their amusement and kept giggling.

Although Liz usually didn’t care what anyone thought of her, their cattiness hurt and the comments got to her and knocked her already tarnished confidence.

She couldn't believe the cruel nature of the backlash and she felt horrible to be on the receiving end of such malice.

She wished she had the courage to walk into the locker room to face them, but she couldn’t. She teared up and like a coward she stayed where she was, hardly daring to breathe, until she heard the door closing behind them, signaling they’d left the room. 

Somehow, she’d expected people to show support, appreciation and even respect for all her good work, instead it seemed it had excited the opposite: envy and disdain.

Crushed about this realization she changed into her work clothes and with her thoughts and emotions in turmoil, she walked to the selling floor to report to her shift.

Hours later, her mind still churned furiously behind a forced calm and friendly expression.

She’d watched her colleagues throughout her working time, observed their phony manners and behavior towards her, along with their false smiles and feigned friendliness.

How did she fail to see that it was all fake and just macabre role-playing?

The sad truth was that they didn’t like her very much at all.

She was still distracted by that realization when close to finishing time a drunk couple entered the store. 

The woman attempted to steal cosmetics, while her boyfriend stood guard in the aisle.

Liz confronted them but while most people would hide themselves the embarrassment of being caught, these two made sure they were the center of attention.

The woman yelled profanities and insults at Liz and caused a scene, making people stop and look.

Liz tried to ease the situation, but all her requests to the couple to leave the store fell on deaf ears.

Clearly underestimating the pair’s inebriated condition, Liz didn’t even see it coming.

The woman used her heavy handbag as a weapon, hitting Liz’s head at the temple. 

Staggering, Liz fell to the floor.

Trying to stay focused through the fog of pain, she tried to pick herself up when the boyfriend kicked her in the gut with his large boots.

She gasped and curled into a ball, raising her arms to protect her head as best as she could as another kick hit her legs.

Agony pulsed through her body while she desperately tried to think of a way to defend herself against the brutal attack.

Long seconds ticked by, and Liz had a sudden, irrational flash of panic that no one would come to her aid; that people would just watch her get beaten up because she was not worth saving; a castaway because of her past choices and decisions.

Only then Liz heard someone shout into their earpiece:

“We have an emergency in the beauty section. Ice Queen down. Need back-up.”

******

She was in considerable pain on her way home, emotionally and physically, so much so, that driving the car was a challenge.

Eventually, her co-workers had dragged the violent couple away from her and out of the store, right into the waiting arms of the police.

With great effort she’d picked herself up, shaky and frail all over. 

But more than the physical pain, the public humiliation stung like fire. She looked around, seeing everyone visibly entertained by the harassment she’d endured. She was determined to show no weakness and refused medical attention, insisting she was fine.

The store manager had sent her home to rest and recover then, and she’d walked from the location with her head held high while she crumbled inside.

It was late and dark already when Liz got into her car and all she wanted to do was cry and fall apart, but she forced herself to keep it together; she had yet to face the babysitter and most likely her little girl as well.

With great effort she parked the car in the driveway and closed the gate. It was so hard to move. Each step hurt.

Gritting her teeth, she willed her bruised and battered body to carry on, practically dragging herself inside the house.

“Christina? I’m so sorry I’m late.” She shouted from the door. “Work was crazy today.”

Closing the door behind her, Liz noticed it was unusually quiet in the house. No TV running in the background, no chatter from Agnes. It smelled of dinner and someone had tidied up the place too.

The moment she stepped into the living room she knew; she could sense him.

He was there.

Reddington.

She stopped at the entrance and stared in shock and wonder; her gaze fixed only on him.

His attire was unusual as he was completely dressed in black - pants, shirt and shoes.

He was tense and motionless, staring back at her unblinkingly and without fear.

It was like a déjà vu moment, everything repeated, and taking her back to old times.

In that instant, in her profile, in the welling of her eyes, there was a depth of sadness impossible to describe. A glistening tear coursed slowly down her cheek, disappearing into the darkness at her feet.

She'd tried living without him and had spent the most miserable four months of her life, thinking they’d never face each other again. And now he was sitting on her couch in her living room.

He tried to smile but failed miserably. He looked pale and he also appeared to have lost weight; his pants loose around his legs and waist. His jaw was set tight, the lines in his face were so much deeper, his cheeks were sunken. Heavy dark bags under his eyelids graced his image, gone the usual power and control she could see in his eyes, replaced by tension, sadness, pain and most of all worry.

“Red.”

Her lips trembled as more tears filled her eyes.

She tried to move closer, but she was so overcome at the sight that her knees buckled, and she collapsed on the floor, crying.

It was all just too much, and her body was shutting down.

And once the tears started, it was like a dam broke open inside her and she began sobbing. Soft little hiccups at first, which then turned into deep, body-wracking shudders.

He was off the couch and by her side instantly. Kneeling beside her, his large hands cradled her head, gently like something precious and fragile.

“Lizzy…”

There was so much concern in his face, even more so when he noticed the light swollen discoloration at her right temple and the few odd scratches.

Her tears kept falling by his use of her nickname, wetting his hands.

Looking around, he briefly released her head to rise and fetch a sofa cushion.

Hurrying back to her, he pushed the pillow under her head, then left her again and headed into the kitchen. 

He opened the ice box in the fridge, looking for ice cubes or anything similar, but all he found was a bag of frozen vegetables. He took it and wrapped a dish towel around it. It was a poor substitute for an ice pack, but it’d have to do.

When he came back into the living room, she had curled up in a fetal position on the ground, holding her midsection and was still weeping.

He stretched out alongside her; the floor was uncomfortable and cold, but Liz was in no condition to be moved just yet.

He carefully pressed the ice pack against her temple; a gesture that brought more discomfort as well as tears.

"Just keep it there.” He tenderly said. “It will make the swelling go down."

Much to his puzzlement, she shook her head, then slowly lifted her shirt to expose her naked flesh to him.

The bruising he found on her side had turned a sick purple and blue against the whiteness of her stomach and ribs. There was a clear half shoeprint on her lower back as well.

She bit her bottom lip to keep herself from crying out when she dragged the makeshift ice pack down her body and over her injury.

Red was visibly horrified at the sight and his voice grated with emotion when he spoke.

“My God Lizzy, what happened to you?”

Unable to answer, she continued to tremble, sobbing intently from the cold sting of the icepack, the throbbing pain, and simply from the events of the day. Add that all to the mere fact that he was there.

It was the first time he’d heard her cry like this, and his heart ached so much that he felt it crack and splinter with each sob.

He wasn't sure what comfort he could offer her, didn’t know how much closeness she could stand before she’d push him away again. After all, she’d wanted him out of her life.

Reluctant, as if he feared her rejection, he reached for her hand, gently weaving their fingers together. They'd held hands in the past before when darkness had threatened to swallow them both, so he hoped she’d allow him this kind of touch now as well.

To his surprise she clung to his fingers, not wanting to let go and he was quite at a loss what to do when she crawled closer to him, pushing her body against his now rigid form.

She pressed herself against him, buried her face against his broad chest as her arms wrapped around him and held on, her shoulder shaking as she leaned into him, seeking his strength and support.

His heart gave a kick before he folded her in, surrendering and relaxing to her embrace. He still didn't know what had happened to her, but he would let her cry against him for as long as she needed.

He knew her breakdown had a long time coming and it was okay to fall apart now, here with him.

Pulling her even closer into the warmth of his body, he started to stroke her hair, her back and arms with infinite tenderness and love.

She felt so right in his arms.

Whenever anything else was difficult, or wrong between them, in his arms she always felt right.

She cried for a long time, shedding tears that had been waiting for many, many weeks.

His care and reserved affection, the smell of his cologne and the closeness of his body brought back memories and a rush of emotions, making her acknowledge and understand how deep her feelings for this special man really were and how much she’d truly missed him.

The feeling now of finally coming together after being separated physically and detached emotionally overwhelmed them both. Despite all the distance and hurt and suffering, the resolute and unmistakable bond of their hearts was somehow still intact.

“Thank you for being here.” She sniffled against his throat.

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” He whispered, then breathed her in as deeply as he could.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Liz felt lighter than she had in some time.

Eventually, her tears had stopped, and she’d calmed down. Her uneven breathing had slowed to sync with his.

She didn’t know how long Red held her. He was content to offer comfort without asking questions, tearing down her stubborn wall of anger that had accompanied her for so long. 

She was aware only of how good she felt in his presence and wished she could lay in his arms like this forever.

She blinked, swiping at her cheeks.

Red reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a handkerchief.

“Here.”

He offered it to Liz, and she nodded and slowly turned it in her hands. It was pristine white and looked soft as silk, the edges delicately embroidered, and for a moment, she idly wondered if it once belonged to his mother.

She blew her nose and dried the last of her tears.

“I’ll wash it for you.”

She loosened her hold enough to lean away to look at him, smiling tentatively.

“Don’t worry about it. You can keep it.”

Looking down at it, then back up at him, their gazes locked for a long moment.

She was embarrassed. Thrilled. Unable to breathe. Incapable of saying anything more than thank you as she pushed the soiled cotton into the back pocket of her jeans.

He shouldn’t be here. Not like this.

She knew she didn’t deserve his kindness, his staunch loyalty or his love after treating him so badly.

So many painful memories suddenly flashed through her mind: her betrayal, her rejection, his rejection and their separation.

But nevertheless, he was here, despite everything.

While her body was happy about it, her mind assaulted her with guilt and shame and the need to apologize to him.

When she glanced at him again it was obvious he was uncomfortable and probably in pain as well. He tried to hide it, but they had been lying on the cold, hard floor for far too long.

“Can you help me?” She asked him ruefully.

“Of course.”

With great difficulty and much wincing, he strived to his feet, hoping she wouldn’t notice.

Red wished he could simply carry her, but his leg and his shoulder wouldn’t allow such activity.

While his general health was now excellent, his once injured leg and shoulder remained stiff and weak if he didn’t see to the necessary physically exercise on a regular basis.

With Liz gone, he’d lacked the motivation and energy in that department and had given himself up a little too easily. Now he wished he hadn’t.

Using his arms to brace her weight, Red helped her up, then wrapped one arm around the uninjured side of her waist to steady her.

“Are you all right?” He asked worriedly when she struggled to stand and grimaced with pain.

She nodded exhaustedly, then looked up to find herself staring deeply into his extraordinary gray-green eyes she’d missed so much and finally granted him an explanation.

“The Ice Queen was knocked off her throne today.”

“Pardon?”

He gave her a confusing look, which almost made her smile.

“That’s what my colleagues call me: Ice Queen.”

“Charming.” Red rumbled with a displeased frown.

“Well, I’m not very popular at work.” She admitted with unusual candor. “So today, when two drunk customers attacked me, hit and kicked me, everyone around me simply watched.”

Red’s body tensed protectively, possessively. A muscle dangerously twitched in his cheek in response; she knew he was thinking about hunting down these two to make them pay for hurting her, then eliminating all bystanders as well.

“You should see a doctor, Lizzy.” He said, tapping down his anger.

“It’s just a bruise, Red. I’m fine.”

He shook his head, not agreeing with her.

“You need X-rays to rule out internal bleeding or broken ribs.”

“What I need are painkillers.”

“I can provide you with that, but please, get yourself examined.”

Somehow, she didn't want to argue with him.

Not again.

Never again.

“I’ll go tomorrow, ok? I promise. All I want right now is to lie down and rest.”

Red was surprised by her sudden defeat. Giving in to his requests wasn’t her strongest suit in the past.

“Let me help you to bed then.”

Liz nodded, grateful he was so understanding and kind.

She leaned on him a little more, her hair mantling his shoulder as they slowly left the living room and walked across the hallway to her bedroom.

“Is Agnes asleep?”

“Yes. We had noodles with tomato sauce and sausages for dinner. Would you like a plate with leftovers?”

“I’d love to.”

He helped her to bed. She was quiet and almost ready to collapse, but he made her eat a little before he supplied her with the painkillers.

She thanked him in a whisper, then she was out before she could say or do anything more. 

******

In the middle of the night, Red woke up to the soft sobbing of the second female in the house.

Leaving the sofa in the living room he’d slept on, he headed for Agnes’ room.

He knocked, then peeked his head through the door and found Agnes sitting up in bed, crying.

“Hey, Agnes. What’s wrong?” He stepped into her room quickly. “Are you sick? Did you have a bad dream?”

“There was a big hairy monster and it wanted to eat me for breakfast.” Agnes gulped as fat tears rolled down her cheeks.

Taking her fear seriously, Red sank onto the edge of the bed and wrapped his strong arms around her. He gave her a squeeze and rested his chin atop her head.

“It’s ok, sweetheart. It was just a dream. I’ve got you now. No one will eat you for breakfast.”

He ran his hands up and down her small arms, warming the goose bumps. Then he pulled back and gave her an encouraging smile.

“Do you want some water or something?”

“No.”

“How about some ice cream?”

Her eyes opened wide. “In the middle of the night?”

“Yes. Monsters do not like ice cream and will leave you alone when you have some.” Red smiled mischievously.

“I’m not allowed to eat sweets at night.” Agnes made an unhappy face.

“Well, this is an exception.” Red stood up and stretched out his hand.

“Come on!”

The little girl eagerly grabbed her teddy bear with one hand, then reached for his hand with the other, smiling broadly.

Hand in hand, they walked into the kitchen.

******

Liz woke up by noises coming from somewhere in the house. Hushed voices, soft chuckles and sweet little giggles.

Curious, she decided to investigate.

She found Red and Agnes in the kitchen. They hadn’t yet noticed her, so she leaned against the door frame, and took a moment to observe them.

Agnes was sitting on the kitchen island and Red on a barstool beside her.

They shared a container of ice cream; both had a spoon and were eating directly from the carton. Red had also poured them a glass of milk and the cookie jar was open and pretty much raided.

Agnes was happily munching away the goodies, her feet dangling over the edge of the counter.

Red gazed fondly at her, affection and adoration evident in his eyes.

But then Agnes suddenly grew serious.

“I dropped the teddy bear, Ray.”

Stunned, Liz watched Agnes open the hidden zipper on the back of the stuffed animal, then pull out a phone.

“Is it broken?” She asked, tearing up again in obvious distress and worry as Red took it from her to check.

He examined the cover, then switched it on and pressed a few buttons. “No, sweetheart. The phone is fine.”

He put the phone back into the bear, then caressed Agnes’ cheek with his thumb, brushing away her tears.

She threw her arms around him in relief, snuggling close as she hugged him.

Red draped his arm around her protectively, then kissed her hair.

“I’m glad you called me, Agnes.”

“I missed you, Ray.”

Liz saw the pain and longing in the depths of Red’s eyes before he closed them. 

Their display of attachment and closeness was wrenching her heart and causing moisture to gather in her eyes as well.

She’d never seen Agnes being so devoted to someone else other than herself, not even to Tom.

Apparently, living thousands of miles apart didn’t affect her feelings for Red.

They loved each other and it had been wrong to keep them apart. It had hurt them both more than she’d have thought.

It all made sense now, why Agnes was inseparable from the teddy bear and Red was here for a visit. 

Only a few weeks ago she would have accused him of presenting the phone to Agnes in an attempt to control and manipulate, but now she understood that it was a desperate effort to somehow remain in touch.

And it had worked. Agnes had called him.

“I’ve missed you too, sweetheart,” Red told Agnes, his voice reverberated with emotions.

Liz wiped at her tears. It was her fault the three of them were still miserable, heartbroken and exhausted.

A life without him was impossible. She couldn't run away from this fact any longer, and she wasn't going to.

They needed each other, now more than ever. They had always needed each other. She was the only one who could fix their unhappiness and she sincerely hoped it wasn’t too late.

“Hey, what’s going on here?”

Trying very hard not to limp and alarm Agnes in any way, Liz entered the kitchen.

Red and Agnes separated quickly, as though caught doing something forbidden, he inwardly braced himself to be punished for breaking half a dozen of Liz’ parenting rules.

He was more than a little surprised when she came to stand beside him, her hand briefly caressing his back in understanding, reassurance and thanks.

Nevertheless, he tensed beneath her touch and glanced her way for a moment just to be sure he interpreted her intentions correctly.

“Mommy!” Agnes squealed. “We’re eating ice cream to chase away the monster.”

Liz was familiar with the monster and its frequent appearance at night, so if this extraordinary and downright unhealthy midnight feast would help to chase it away permanently who was she to argue?

“Do you guys share, or am I the one being thrown to the monster instead?”

Both spoons dug inside the carton simultaneously, then held into her direction.

Smiling affectionately at them, Liz gladly took both offers. 

She wondered if the ice cream had ever tasted so good before and a feeling of lightheartedness bubbled up as the ice cream went down.

But then Agnes noticed the bruise on Liz’ face. “What happened to you, mommy?”

“I fell at work, honey. But I’m fine, don’t worry.”

Agnes scrutinized her closely, then turned to Red.

“Does ice cream help for that too, Ray?”

“Oh, definitely!” Red rumbled temptingly, then made Liz eat another scoop.

“Ice cream helps for everything, sweetheart.”

Joy and laughter filled the kitchen a little longer that night, substituting for the tears of pain, fear and sorrow. 

It was funny, but Liz finally felt the contentment and peace she was looking for in all these months before and it was all because of him. 

******

The next morning Red awaked to the smell of coffee and found Liz standing by the sofa with a cup in her hand looking down at him.

Agnes lay curled up next to him and he had let Agnes have the better part of the blanket.

“Good morning.” Liz whispered softly, trying not to wake the child.

Squinting, he asked, “What time is it?”

“Seven-forty.”

When she handed him the cup, she noticed his injured leg peeking out from under the blanket.

Being the emotional wreck that she was these days, the sight was enough to cause her heart to ache uncontrollably and tears to come thick and fast again.

His thigh was a mass of scar tissue down to his knee. That was all her fault too.

Red followed her gaze, then tugged the blanket back over his leg to cover it.

Liz stubbornly wiped the tears off her face with the back of her hand.

“I’m sorry, I’m a terrible host.” She muttered miserably. “We have a guestroom.”

“The couch was fine.”

He gazed down at Agnes, silent melancholy and dejection were visible in his face.

“Besides, I don’t want to intrude.” His voice turned timid. “And I’m sorry she’s all over me; I know how little you tolerate her around me.”

His wounded glassy eyes searched hers, breaking her completely.

“No, that’s fine.” Liz croaked, unable to stop the fresh wave of tears at his words.

“She loves you so much, Red and I’m…”

Her voice shook, then broke completely. She turned away from him and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath to kept herself from sobbing, from falling apart right in front of him again.

“We really need to talk when I’m back.” was all she managed to say.

“Where are you going?”

“To the hospital. I feel awful.”

“Can I take you there?”

“No, but could you please watch Agnes? Then I won’t have to bother Christina.”

“Of course, Lizzy.”

“Thank you.”

She slowly left the room without looking back. She didn’t dare.

“Will you be all right?” He called after her, his voice full of concern. He hated the fact that she wanted to go alone.

“I don’t know.”

The uncertainty in her voice almost broke him in two.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is getting longer than originally planned and I hope you don't mind the stretching. :)  
> Many thanks to my beta heatherpeters for all her input, encouragement and patience on this. ♥♥


	8. Chapter 8

Liz returned from the hospital a few hours later, and as soon as she entered the house, she could smell something sweet baking in the kitchen.

Breathing deeply, she took in the delicious aroma of rich chocolate and vanilla that permeated the air.

Stepping into the kitchen, she saw a batch of cupcakes cooling on a rack while another still baked in the oven.

Still more vanilla cupcakes with pink frosting were already completed. Colorful sprinkles emblazed the swirls. 

Agnes stood on a stool at the kitchen island and together with Red she held a pastry bag, swirling chocolate frosting onto the tops of chocolate cupcakes.

“Squeeze a little more, sweetheart.”

Red carefully guided the bag, while Agnes pressed her fingers into the sac until they’d created the perfect swirl.

“Mmm, it smells good in here.” Liz said, announcing her presence.

They both turned and smiled at her.

“Hi mom!”

Liz walked up to them and hugged her child from behind, lacing her arms around her small waist, resting her chin on her shoulder.

“Hi, you two.” She said, raising her eyebrows at the mess they’d created. “What are you up to now?”

“Ray and I are making cupcakes.” Agnes answered with a proud look on her face.

“We made a special one just for you.” She proclaimed excitedly and wiggled out of her mother’s embrace to reach the furthest corner on the kitchen island.

Arranged on a small plate sat a heart-shaped cupcake, with an big swirl and extra sprinkles.

Agnes presented the dish to her, expectantly awaiting her reaction.

“Aww, honey…”

Liz was touched by the sweet thoughtfulness of the gesture.

“Thank you.” She raised a hand to her daughter's cheek and rubbed it lovingly, then briefly looked at Red.

“Thank you both.”

She gazed back at the cupcake, feeling ashamed and undeserving for various reasons.

She almost wished Red wouldn't be so nice. He was making it all so much harder and the guilty feeling kept twisting and wrenching her guts. 

She desperately needed to talk to him before the sense of suffocation overwhelmed her.

“How did it go at the hospital?” Red asked quietly, obviously sensing her emotional struggle and changed the subject.

“The X-ray scan revealed two partially fractured ribs.” She reported unhappily and saw genuine concern flickering in his eyes.

“The rest are just bruises and contusions. Everything else was normal and there was no internal bleeding.”

She tried to ease his distress. “I’m advised to stay home from work for at least six weeks. They gave me something at the hospital that has pretty well dulled the pain, but it makes me tired.”

“You should rest then.” He said. “Agnes and I will finish up here.”

“Who’s supposed to eat all these?” Liz gestured at the cupcakes.

“Your co-workers.” Red said decisively.

“What? Why?” Liz asked confused.

“Everyone loves cake, mommy.” Agnes said, then continued to adorn the swirls with white shredded chocolate. 

“And your colleagues won’t be an exception.” Red added.

“But they don’t deserve any of these cupcakes.” Liz argued, miffed at the memories of the incident. “Not after what they’ve done to me.”

“No, they don’t. But the gesture will put them to shame, to silence and hopefully give them something to think about.”

“And you’re sure that’ll work?” She asked, skeptical.

He chuckled heartedly. “It’s worth a try. I can’t kill them all, unfortunately.”

She knew he was serious to a certain extent but laughed along with him.

“You have a little frosting right … there.” She blurred out and moved forward without thinking.

She reached to tenderly touch and wipe at his upper lip. A tingle ran through him, and his hair stood on end.

“And a little more right … here.”

She wet her fingertip with her tongue and gingerly dabbed at his cheek.

He froze at the contact, his body automatically reacting with a flare of heat and indrawn breath to breathe in more of her scent.

At the sound of his sudden inhalation she stilled too, the air between them seemed to thicken, heavy with awareness, tension and unspoken emotions.

“Thank you.” He murmured after a couple heartbeats spent lost in each other's eyes.

Embarrassed, she quickly dropped her hand to her side and stepped back to put a little distance between them. She hadn't thought, only acted on impulse.

Funny how the same man who constantly angered her in the past now only made her long for him without so much as a look.

She was falling for him deeper than she ever had, becoming more and more receptive to him.

Yet, these feelings hung heavy on her heart with all the unresolved happenings of their past.

“We really need to talk, Red.” She told him again.

“Yes.” He agreed, then looked at Agnes. “Later tonight.”

“How much longer can you stay?”

“I’m leaving tomorrow evening.” He hesitated. “If that's fine with you?”

“Of course.” She replied, and smiled at him, signaling joy.

That left her one more day to make it all right, to fix what had been broken.

Nonetheless she felt like she was running out of time.

"You look tired, Lizzy. Why don’t you rest a bit before we bring the sick note, the medical reports and the cupcakes to your job?”

His hand reached for hers, his skin was so warm . . . her heart stuttered in her chest as he slowly laced his fingers with hers and squeezed.

Her eyes raised to meet his. He looked back, unblinking, intense as usual.

“We’ll talk tonight, I promise.”

Deciding silence was best at the moment, she nodded.

“I’ll be on the couch then.” Liz said and let go of his hand, instantly missing the contact.

“Don't let the … uh um … couch bugs bite you.” Agnes crowed after her and started to giggle on her way out.

******

Coming back to her workplace later that day made Liz feel more uncomfortable than she’d thought. Uneasiness and tension crawled up her spine and she had trouble holding the large container of cupcakes, when she walked across the parking lot.

Red and Agnes waited in the car and watched.

The break room was crowded; everyone talked at the same time.

However, the room fell silent the moment she stepped in and a dozen curious gazes turned to study her.

“Hi.” She greeted timidly and smiled sadly, limping a bit more than necessary for dramatic effects and to fish for pity.

“Hey.”

“Hi Liz.”

A few voices replied.

“How are you Liz?” A male voice asked from the back of the room.

“I have two broken ribs and a lot of bruises; I’ll be home for a few weeks.”

She smiled bravely. “Thanks for asking, Joe.”

Another awkward silence filled the room.

She then placed the container with the cupcakes on a free table and opened the lid.

“These are for you, as a thank you for your help during the incident. Please enjoy them.”

Liz saw people look at each other sheepishly. They all knew no one really helped, at least not right away.

Liz turned to leave and held her head a little higher.

It was a triumph in every sense.

After handing the store manager her papers she went back to the car, relieved she wouldn’t have to return until she healed completely.

Upon entering the car, she looked at the pair of faces bursting with curiosity.

She laughed in delight, clapping her hands.

“I think it worked!”

******

“The princess kept the frog in the garden of the palace, built a little pond of its own, then came and sat with the frog every day and spoke to it, whispering her secrets and wishes.”

After dinner, Agnes was allowed to watch some TV before bed, while Liz rested, and Red cleaned up the kitchen.

Now Red and Agnes sat side by side on Agnes’ small bed, holding a book together.

Agnes had laid her head on his shoulder and listened contentedly to Red reading her a bedtime story.

Usually, Agnes was very active and animated during the readings. She made predictions, laughed at characters, commented on illustrations, noted unfamiliar words and asked endless questions, but tonight she seemed tired and cuddly; Red had worn her out completely.

Liz had already bid her daughter good night and stood anxiously in the corridor, waiting for Red to finish. They had agreed to talk after Agnes was put to bed and Liz worried about the outcome. 

His deep, soft, mesmerizing voice held her captive and certainly didn’t help to calm her nerves and racing heart. 

“The princess kissed the frog; so the curse was broken, and the frog transformed into a handsome young prince. They married and lived happily ever after.”

Agnes squeaked with the happy ending and grinned.

“That is one of my favorite stories, Ray.”

He closed the book and smiled back at her.

“Read it again, please.”

“It’s time to sleep now, sweetheart.”

Agnes whined in protest.

“I’ll read it to you tomorrow again.” Red promised.

“Okay.” Agnes sulked, then let herself be tucked into bed.

With his fingertips, Red smoothed stray strands of her hair away from her face, then briefly caressed her cheek.

“Sleep well, Agnes.”

“Night, Ray!”

“Good night.”

He rose from the bed to leave the room.

“You should kiss mommy too.” Agnes blurred out suddenly before he reached the door.

Astonished, Red turned back.

“Your mommy isn’t a frog.” He said, trying to ridicule her statement. “And I’m certainly no prince.”

Agnes looked back at him, her expression unflappable.

“But don’t you love mommy?”

Knowing the truth, he paused for a moment, then smiled sadly at her. “Well, I do.”

“Then kiss!” Agnes suggested, conclusively. “That will make her happy.”

Red admired and envied the undiluted way in which Agnes saw the world, but then he sighed.

If only it was that simple. 

Liz was so embarrassed that she wanted to find a hole to hide in when he closed the door to Agnes’ room and saw her standing in the corridor.

“Can we talk now?” She bit out, sounding harsher than she intended. The pressure to put things right had turned her into a nervous wreck and she was unable to handle that feeling very well. She was either going to be angry or cry again very soon.

He followed her into the living room where she sat down, holding her side as pain shot into her stomach. She gave a breathy howl and gritted her teeth; it was time for another round of painkillers. But not now.

He watched her and waited patiently; he wished there was something he could say or do to ease her anxiety, but truth be told, he felt as troubled as she, because he too worried about the subject of their discussion. 

“Why are you here, Red?”

Looking at her, he took a long time to answer.

He would not tell her the entire truth, Liz was sure. She knew he wasn’t going to reveal the little secret he shared with Agnes.

“I’m here for you.”

He’d never lied to her and to her surprise that rule still seemed to be intact, though she was also still mean enough to put that rule to the test. 

“What makes you think I needed you?”

Her question disappointed him.

It was more than obvious that she’d needed him.

She still hadn't changed one bit as he’d hoped. The all so familiar pain tightened his gut and darkened his heart.

Would she ever stop hurting him? Or doubting his good intentions?

Before he could stop it, old wounds opened, and it all came back in waves.

The many betrayals and letdowns. The helplessness and the constant feeling of unworthiness.

The endless heartache.

He’d never recovered and healed from losing her once; how many times did she think she could do this to him without consequences?

He forced air into his tight lungs, willing his heart to stop pounding so hard.

He should have known this would happen again; he was such a hopeless fool.

Red didn't want to cry but he couldn't help the tears that rolled down his cheeks. He was just human after all, with feelings and hopes and dreams, which she managed to shatter every single time.

Shaking his head miserably, he turned away from her.

Liz never really thought she’d ever see Red cry and it broke her heart. He looked absolutely crestfallen and defeated and it made her cry along with him.

She’d started the entire conversation the wrong way, had fallen back in old habits.

None of this was going as planned.

“I know about the phone in the teddy bear. I know Agnes has called you.”

Liz got up from the couch and approached him quickly.

“She did the right thing … because yes, I needed you.”

Red looked surprised at her words and honesty, almost taken aback for a moment, but he refused to look at her.

“Please let me explain.”

She touched his arms gently.

“I went away because I wanted to forget, wanted to leave my past behind and move on. It should have been okay; I should have been happy. But I was not, it didn’t work. I’m still miserable. Even more than before.”

Liz wiped at her tears, but they only came harder.

“You know, all my life I felt like I was missing something. Sam was the only family I ever had, so when he died, I was desperate to have a family life on my own. I tried with Tom, Constantin and Jennifer. More than anything I wanted to bond with the people I was related to or had a connection with. 

“But I felt my pursuit for happiness constantly disturbed and inhibited by your mere presence. And I hated that you were right about them all, that they all only brought more sorrow and pain into my life. Even my mother!

“Do you have any idea what it meant to me when I found out that my mother was still alive?

“I wanted my mother to love me and make me feel I was important to her so badly, so I did everything I could to prove that she could trust me.”

Liz’ voice dropped to a whisper.

“But that way I was betraying and rejecting the only person who ever truly loved me. I hurt you often, usually by choice, only to make you feel the same pain.

“I'm hating myself for what I've done to you and I want to apologize for... for everything I’ve ever done to you... I’m sorry, Red... I really am.”

Liz didn’t need to look to know that his eyes were closed to fight off more of his own tears.

“Tonight, in the kitchen, the three of us together, laughing, even for just a short period of time, gave me the exact feeling I’ve been searching for all these years. The sense of closeness and belonging.

“I see the connection you have with Agnes. I see the love between both of you. I’m not going to take this away from either of you any longer. You need each other.

“But I want to be a part of it.”

She knew she was becoming desperate now, desperate to make him understand that Red was what she needed, whom she wanted.

“I can't deny what I feel any longer, Red. I have been doing this for so long, running away, pushing you away, and now I am not able to do that anymore, I don’t **want** to do that anymore.”

She moved closer to him and stood in front of him. Ever so slowly and gently, she touched his shoulders, but he was not looking at her, he was staring down at the floor. She took his face into her hands then and carefully caressed his cheeks and finally made him look at her.

“I need **you** , Red.”

With that she sealed her lips on his, and all the passion, love, longing and pain she held back for years, was released. It was just not about passion, it was about silent promises, apologies, deep love and it was about feelings they shared.

It felt so right, he thought, choking on tears. Finally, after eight years something was being returned.

She was actually here and kissing him. He couldn’t believe it.

They separated and it was his turn to touch her face, just to know that it was not some cruel dream. She caught his hand and clasped her fingers with his. And he kissed her again, with everything he had.

It was painful, scaring and beautiful at the same time and he pulled away before the kiss could deepen.

His vision blurred, he did not realize how it happened, but it did and he had to blink back more tears, just to see her face again.

Love battled the pain inside him, and he was shaking from head to toe, overwhelmed by her confessions and actions.

It was all too much.

“I need time, Lizzy.” He breathed, feeling awful.

But it was a reaction she'd expected.

“I know, Red. I know you need time to trust me again. And when you decide that you can and when you're ready, I'll be here, waiting. You have to realize that I want to be with you.”

She slung her arms around his neck. “I don’t care how long it takes.”

“I know how much I hurt you and I'm willing to take all that hurt away. It might not be tomorrow or a month or even a year from now, but if you give me another chance, I’ll have a lifetime to try.”

She looked him straight in the eye.

“I love you, Red.”

Then she repeated the words with more emphasis.

_“I do love you.”_

He could tell she was serious by the way her beautiful blue eyes shone with persuasive determination.

“I want you to come visit us whenever you can and whenever you want. This can be your new home too.”

Love never ends, she knew that now. Circumstances may force people to part, but the sweet memories always remain in the heart; there can never be a clean cut from the past.

For now, as he folded her in for a long hug, she simply hoped they could have a fresh start.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Red came to visit again the following weekend.

He’d planned to let more time pass, but every day he received a cute little video of Agnes and Liz and a glimpse of their everyday life along with an invitation to come see them soon.

There was one video in particular that had captured his attention and he couldn’t stop watching it again and again.

Agnes sat on the swing in the backyard of the house. It was such a beautiful day, bright clear sunshine under a cloudless blue sky.

She was swinging wildly on the swing, her long brown curls streaming out behind her.

“Hi Ray!” She shouted and waved at the camera.

Liz then placed the camera between branches of the apple tree and joined the picture.

She wore a blue floral knee-length summer dress that matched the color of her eyes. 

Red ached as he watched and listened. Liz was so gorgeous and sweet and vibrant when she laughed.

A light breeze pushed her dress against her breasts and gently bounced when she moved.

“We miss you, Raymond.” She said. “We’re hoping you’re coming back soon.”

He wanted her so badly, so desperately, more than he’d ever wanted anything or anyone before. It was so difficult; he could barely stand being away from her.

 _For years_ , his mind kept saying, ‘ _You’ve lost so much time you should have had with this woman. Don’t lose any more!_ ’

Another voice insisted that is was only a matter of time until she would hurt him again.

But then, was he really going to waste his life worrying if she’d hurt him again? Or take a chance that this time, with Agnes, they could be happy?

He wanted a family, and after all these years, it was offered to him. All he had to do was to have faith in her and in their love for each other.

If he was completely honest with himself, he’d already made a decision.

He wanted to risk it all and take the chance, even though the other voice urged him to be careful and not frivolously trusting in her so soon again.

As days passed, he found it increasingly difficult to maintain his business. The thrill of making money failed compared to the thrill of actually living.

Could a criminal retire? Because now his main concern was that he needed to see Liz and Agnes again and spent as much time with them as possible, rather than pleasing the next best crime lord.

He waited till the weekend as to appear not too eager, then packed a small bag.

Dembe voiced concerns about Red’s safety and reminded him of the ‘two-day’ rule. That was something Red had to find a solution for soon too. He couldn't risk anyone discovering Liz’s new whereabouts and what her real connection to him was. He’d sworn to himself never again to place them in that kind of danger, so going to them was a precarious venture.

For now, Dembe had agreed to a diversionary tactic and flew to Florida and let himself be seen in public on the streets of Miami.

It was common knowledge in the underworld that Raymond Reddington hardly ever separated from his loyal bodyguard. So, if Dembe was in Miami, Reddington most likely was too.

Instead, on Saturday morning, just after dawn, Red snuck into Liz’s house and prepared breakfast.

Sunshine sliced through a gap in the window curtains, casting a wedge of light on the earth-toned rug in front of Liz’s bed.

She opened her eyes when she heard the nudge of the refrigerator door shutting and moments later, the crack of eggshells against a bowl.

She sat up, filled with excitement: That could only mean one thing:

 _He_ was here.

She rolled from the bed and scooted into the bathroom to quickly freshen up and slip into her white terry spa robe. She fondly remembered the day she had swiped it after an undercover mission in a luxury hotel.

Smiling, she rushed into the kitchen, where she’d found him.

He’d set the dining table for three, had brought croissants, had dished up a small plate with fresh strawberries and blueberries, there was milk and orange juice and a single blossoming red rose adorned her place at the table.

Now he was making waffles.

“You’re back!”

“Good morning, Lizzy.” He turned to look at her, smiling a smile that seemed to burn into her chest and belly.

“Good morning, Red.”

God, she looked cute, her hair a whispery mess on her head, her cheeks rosy and her blue eyes sparkling. 

“What can I do to help?”

He smiled in amusement, remembering her cooking skills.

“I’ve got it. Coffee?”

“Yes, please.”

He filled a mug and set it on the bar in front of her. 

Liz propped a hip on the bar stool and winced. Her bruised side still bothered her as she sipped her coffee while watching Red as he poured batter onto the waffle iron. 

“It's nice of you to make breakfast. Thank you. Agnes will be thrilled.”

As the waffle cooked, he studied her over the top of his own coffee cup. “How are you this morning, in addition to being beautiful, of course?”

He had a way of making lines sounds sincere.

Sudden heat stung her cheeks at his flattery, and she misjudged the distance as she set down her mug leaving it halfway off the edge of the bar. It teetered and started to fall. She grabbed for it, and coffee sloshed onto the bar and hardwood floor.

“Oh no!”

Red reached for the paper towels and came toward her. 

“Did you burn yourself?”

“No. Only embarrassed.”

Chuckling, he took a handful of paper towels and bent to wipe up the floor spill then straightened to wipe the counter.

Watching his big hand moving, she stared at the soft hair on his arm.

She longed to touch him, kiss him, if only she had the courage; she didn’t want to appear too forward. 

“It’s silly but I'm a little nervous.” She admitted.

“I’m nervous too.” He whispered back.

“We haven't properly said hello yet, have we?”

Liz held out her hand to him, and he reached for it automatically.

Their eyes locked, and they stood so close now, the fresh scent of her skin, more provocative than any perfume, tantalized his nostrils.

Before she knew how, she was in his arms, her body pressed close to his.

Fire tore through her as she kissed him, wanting him with a fierceness that shocked her.

Parting her lips with the tip of his tongue, he deepened the kiss.

Their tongues played a slow, arousing dance while his hands traced intricate patterns of pleasure along her spine and down over her bottom.

A soft moan emerged from her. Never had a man’s mouth tasted so good.

Agnes yawned and rubbed her eyes as she padded along the corridor. She stopped at the entrance to the kitchen, suddenly fully awake.

She saw Red and her mom kissing and that made her giggle.

“See, I told you!” She said to her teddy bear.

“Morning!” She chirped happily as she entered the kitchen, sniffing. “What’s burning?”

Startled, the grown-ups broke apart and Liz gave a shriek. “The waffle!”

Smoke poured out of the waffle iron and Red quickly opened the lid. He scraped the black mess out with a fork and dropped it into the sink.

By the time Liz had opened the window so the smell could exhaust faster, all three of them were laughing at the mishap.

A while later, they sat down at the table and enjoyed the breakfast. Liz and Red shared secret smiles and glances of mutual adoration, while Agnes munched on a perfectly baked waffle with syrup and fruits. 

“That’s a nice rose, mommy.” Agnes observed.

“Red gave it to me.” Liz said, gauging her daughter’s reaction to the entire situation.

Agnes nodded knowingly.

“Are you two in love like the princess and the prince in my book?”

“Yes, sweetheart we are.” Red affirmed.

“Honey, Red will be around more often now.” Liz added.

“That’s great, mommy. I like him being here.”

Agnes turned back to her waffle and continued eating.

They couldn’t obtain better permission than that.

******

Red and Agnes played almost all day: hide and seek in the garden, they had a tea party with the teddy bear and her dolls using a little tea set with tiny cups and saucers made out of real china, they drew pictures of castles and princesses and Red crafted her a crown out of aluminum foil.

Liz rested and read and dreamed as she watched them. Now that she had time to think, she marveled at how her world had changed for the better. She couldn’t remember when she’d last had an untroubled day like today. She could honestly say for once she was happy with the direction of her life.

She just hoped Red felt the same way. She must have told him a thousand times how much she loved him, but there was always a part of him that seemed distant. No, not distant, but wary. As if he was waiting for things to fall apart again.

He was so careful around her too, making sure he was doing things right and not bring back bad memories or enrage her in any way. It was an amazing mix of strength and vulnerability.

She knew it was all her fault and she wished there was something, anything, she could do other than being patient, giving him time and a reason to trust her.

Most of all she wished she could join her two loved ones in their play. She heard Agnes laugh and squeal all day and knew it was doing her good.

Who would have thought that one of the world’s most dangerous criminal could be such a wonderful man, so gentle and kind, helpful around the house… and drinking tea with toy dolls?

Now he was making dinner, spoiling them rotten with wonderful food again.

She had made plans for tonight because it was his turn to be on the receiving end of some pampering. Ever since that hot kiss this morning she yearned for more. She wanted to touch him and be touched. She wanted more of his kisses. She wanted to make love to him, not only to satisfy the physical desire, but to become closer emotionally as well.

However, to her unimaginable bewilderment, Red bid her good night after dinner and after he’d put Agnes to bed and disappeared into the guestroom, leaving Liz lying in her bedroom alone, unable to sleep, not knowing whenever to laugh or to cry.

******

Red knew he was a coward. He’d come here to spend time with his Lizzy, but after their kiss this morning he didn’t trust himself. He wouldn’t have been able to resist her and keep his fingers off her tonight and was now hiding first and foremost to protect her from him. Liz was still recovering, still very much in pain, any physical activity would have to wait until she was better and pain free.

So, for the next hour they both remained in their rooms, miserable and unhappy, until Liz put an end to it and knocked at his door.

“Red?”

“Yes.”

She opened the door and stuck her head in.

“Can I come in?”

He sat, leaned against the headboard, the covers pulled up to his chest. He was wearing reading glasses and an open book rested on his stomach.

The only light came from the lamp on the bedside table, a soft orange glow that made him look unbearable cute.

A million emotions began to toy with her heart at the sight.

“It’s a little early to get ready for bed, isn’t it?” She asked and came in, closing the door behind her. “Besides, I kind of hoped you’d sleep in my bedroom tonight.”

He took off his glasses, trying very hard not to react as his body was urging him to do when he looked at her.

She was wearing the sexiest red satin nightgown he’d ever seen in his life.

There was so much skin, her breasts were pressing against the material and her nipples were perfect points, making his mouth water with the realization that she was basically naked except that thin fabric.

While he remained silent, he couldn't help looking at her. She was so lovely, all his resistance shattered.

Liz watched him rolling his tongue in his mouth in that certain way of his, signaling her that he liked what he saw, but otherwise he made no sound or move.

“This is ridiculous, Red.” She scolded him. “Your reservation is noble but not necessary.”

Risking everything, she let the red satin nightgown fell to the floor and she presented her naked body to him without shame or embarrassment, her nipples tight and aching, her body shivering in anticipation.

“I know I’ve promised to give you time, but we have lost so much time already.”

She stepped closer to the bed.

“May I join you?” She pleaded with blue eyes.

How could he ever say no to her? How could he ever deny her needs?

He lifted the sheets and gestured for her to lie beside him. She climbed into the small bed, pressing her naked body against him and he groaned as he felt every inch of her warm flesh touching him.

As they lay on their sides, facing each other, heads close and breath mingling, they gazed into each other’s eyes.

Her eyes were dark and heavy with desire.

“I want you, Red. Let me show you how much.”

She cupped his head in her hands and brushed her hungry mouth over his, once, twice, until he parted his lips beneath hers, inviting her to deepen their kiss.

He sighed helplessly into her mouth at her wicked tongue tangling with his and at the sensations of his erection growing, his shaft bulging hard in his underwear.

Needing to touch him, to feel more of him, she pulled at the white undershirt he was wearing.

It came off a little too fast for him.

Numerous scars covered his upper body, telling the story of a violent life, a hero who had been at death's door too many times – all because of her.

He wasn’t prepared and he wanted to shrink into himself and though he was under the safety of the blanket, he had the urge to cover himself and hide from her eyes. He, who’d never felt ashamed of his body before and who’d seduced countless women into his bed.

But with her it was different, and he braced himself for her judgement.

Apprehensive, he waited for the disgust in her eyes, the revulsion, the pity or at the very least some sort of shocked response, but all he could see was raw, desolate heartbreak.

She began to tremble at the sight of him as tears sprang to her eyes, trickling down her cheeks. This was all her doing.

Wondering if her love would ever be enough to heal him and make him forgive her, she scooted closer and leaned in close, breathing in the scent of him, dragging as much of him into her lungs as she could.

Nuzzling her nose in his soft chest hair, her mouth wandered up to place a series of tender kisses over the disfigured skin at his shoulder. 

There was acceptance and reverence in her touch and most of all repentance.

She didn’t have healing power, but there was no denying what she was doing felt intimate and sensual. It soothed him and aroused him at the same time.

When she came up to look at him, he very gently wiped away the tear tracks on her cheeks.

She took his hand and slid it over her body. To her waist, her ribs, her breasts.

“Touch me, Red.”

Her loving voice was as intimate as a kiss.

“I don't want to hurt you, Lizzy.”

“You won't. On the contrary.”

At first hesitant, then sure, his hands began to trace the contours of her body, caressing her curves and moving effortlessly over her skin. He was thorough, leaving no part of her untouched. Goosebumps rose on her arms and legs, his precision, cautiousness and utmost sensitivity left her trembling.

He caressed and massaged her breasts until the peaks were two sensitive tips. The pad of his thumbs flicked at them gently and something powerful began to build and throb below her waist.

Burying his face into her cleavage, he took a deep breath. The sweet smell of her perfume mixed with the sweet smell of warm skin filled his nostrils and teased his senses. She was beautiful, more beautiful than any woman he had ever known. He yearned for her with deep longing; a longing that had refused to diminish over time. Now she was finally in his arms, naked and soft and his, and he felt like he was falling in love with her all over again, a whole new level of love he never knew existed.

She wrapped her arms around the back of his head and pressed his face tighter against her breasts, feeling how he took a moment to cherish her and how he delighted in her.

She couldn't keep it inside for another second, so she told him again.

“I love you, Raymond.”

As much as she needed to hear him tell her the same, she knew he wasn’t ready to reciprocate the sentiment. Instead, he let his lips graze her breasts, closing over one pert nipple, gently licked and sucked, adoring her, worshipping her, feeling the love she offered, and allowing it to light the shadows of his heart.

He placed open mouth kisses on the slowly fading bruises on her hip and belly, carefully flickered over them with his tongue, leaving her moaning for more.

Her body quivered beneath his lips and fingers and the little pouring sounds of pleasure in the back of her throat drove him crazy with want as well.

It seemed that he never stopped kissing her, never stopped caressing her, never moved away from her and she was lost at the goodness of him, the thrill of his hands finally on her.

He slid his hand between her legs, testing her heat and dampness with one finger, the sensation so exquisite she couldn't breathe.

The feel of her slickened outer lips caused his cock to throb and stretch, and he took a steadying breath along with her.

“I need you.” She begged softly. She then reached for his cock. “We can just touch.” She said, still trying to convince him.

Liz was no expert in men’s underwear, but Red’s possessed a front panel that seemed to be made to accommodate his size.

Her fingers stroked lightly at the outline of his manhood beneath the clinging cotton.

He was thick and long, the crown fat, his testicles heavy.

She lightly grazed her fingernails over the shaft and sensitive head, and he hissed and closed his eyes at the sensation.

When he heard an answering purr, his eyes snapped open and he looked at her. She was biting her lip while moaning. His arousal was her arousal.

Pulling at the garment of his boxers to free him, he raised his buttocks off the mattress to help.

Red was all hers now, gloriously aroused, jutting upward from a nest of dark hair.

He was amazing, so handsome, so incredibly virile.

Liz’s hand wrapped around him possessively, stroking and pumping him slowly.

Each pass of her hand made his brain shut down a bit more and his breath rattled in his throat as though he was dying.

In less than two minutes she had him clawing at the sheets, shaking, driving him toward insanity.

The thrill of that was such a rush she nearly came from just watching him.

She shifted closer to that intriguing throbbing heat was pressing between her legs and she couldn’t help grinding herself against him, coating him in her wetness and teasing her entrance.

She was desperate for the feel of him inside her and before he had time to register what was happening, she threw her leg over his thigh, opened herself up even more, then reached a hand down, searching for and finding the base of his aching erection. Angling him into position, she took him inside, inch by glorious inch.

It was somewhat of an awkward position, but his size helped to balance the limitation of movement.

She cried out as he filled her, his penis felt huge sliding inside her, penetrating her more deeply than she knew was possible and almost left her sobbing with her emotional response to the sensation of having him inside her.

They were together - joined as they never had been before and the reality of him was almost more than she could bear, and much more intense than her dreams and fantasies.

“Love me.” She whispered.

“But your ribs… are you sure you're up for this, Lizzy?”

“It’ll be okay.” She promised, searching his mouth for a kiss that left him burning with a need so intense it crushed all his worry and doubt.

His large hands found her bottom, holding her to him, pressing her closer to steady her.

Her lashes fluttered closed, her mouth opened, soft sighs escaping as he started to move in slow rocking strokes. Long slick glides inside her, in and out, sensual pulses, that pushed his cock impossibly deeper.

“Yes, just like this.”

She trembled, and he could see the pleasure he was giving her glow in her eyes as she stared at him, felt the echo of it inside himself too. They were sharing it, a bright shinning line of sensation joining them, connecting them.

Every thrust made her moan, every drag made her shudder. Coherent thought was beyond her, but she did realize it had never been like this for her before.

The pleasure was exquisite, incredible and overwhelming. What Red was doing to her blew away any other encounter she’d had before.

“You feel so good, Red… so good.”

She gripped his ass and urged him to move faster, but he maintained his agonizing slow rhythm.

Looking into his face, into his eyes, she reveled in the pleasure she was giving him in return, in the sounds he was making, in the growls that came from his throat as he moved inside her.

Her muscles continuously contracted around him, and he clenched his jaw and shut his eyes, lowering his forehead to hers and circled his hips, moving his cock in and out, the head brushing her G-spot and nudging her cervix with every stroke.

His face was taut, his features strained. She realized just what his restraint was costing him, and it endeared him to her all the more that he’d taken such care to make it as painless as possible for her, that he'd slowed at a snail’s pace just for her comfort.

“I've waited a lifetime for this moment.” He choked out.

In all his life, Red had never had to fight for control the way he fought now. He’d never before flamed with such passion, desired anyone more, his love for anyone so profound and real.

“I won’t last much longer, Lizzy.”

She clung to his shoulder, his gruff, lust tormented voice her undoing.

“And what makes you think I will?”

Mindless, she writhed against him, clutching his head as she desperately kissed him, succumbing to the impending climax she knew would rock her entire being.

With a wet rush she orgasmed around his erection, her contractions so strong he felt them, tugging his length deeper and squeezing him tightly.

The sound of his name on her lips, soft and ragged, as she came was the sweetest sound he'd ever heard.

Pleasure wracked him in equal measure, made him cry her name against her neck, holding her tight as he began to ejaculate deep inside her. Scorching jets of semen bathed her womb, over and over until his voice was hoarse and his body emptied.

She looked at him with glassy eyes, her body still pulsing when he pulled out.

Holding him tight she nestled against him, turning her face into his neck. She had never felt closer to him than she did at this moment.

And somewhere in between his body slipping into hers, the ecstasy and release, she learned that two people who were broken could come together and be made whole again.

Tonight, they made each other whole again.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently struggling through a massive writer's block. Even tho this story is completely outlined and ready in my head, I can't seem to bring out the words. *sigh*  
> So I figured maybe you'd all enjoy a little more smut in this interlude chapter before we get back to business in the final one or two chapters.  
> Thanks and much love to my beta heatherpeters who keeps encouraging me in this down time. Her support and help means everything! ♥

They had moved from the small bed in the guestroom to her bigger bedroom.

Snuggled up to each other, Red held Liz in his arms long afterwards, listening to her soft deep breathing, watching her relaxed face as she napped.

Though he relished the sight of her sprawled against him, though he soaked in each and every curve and all her feminine roundness that so turned him on, he almost wished she had put on some clothes because even the feel of her creamy soft skin against his made him want her again.

Her hair had fanned out across the pillow. She did have lovely hair and he ached to touch it and sift the strands through his fingers repeatedly. 

He could feel the tiny puffs of her breathing stirring the hair on his chest and he felt his nipple stiffen in response.

His cock twitched and tightened in renewed heat and awareness. He'd just had her and now he wanted her again, wanted to kiss her awake and then make love to her once more.

As a criminal he had learned to control every aspect of his life, from his thoughts and behavior, to his emotions, especially handling any kind of desire or pain. No amount of torture and beating, no amount of caressing or stroking or any other form of inducement had ever caused him to lose control and yet now with the woman who counted, with the woman he truly loved, control wasn’t even an option. He craved her, burned for her, hungered for her. She intoxicated him with her body, her essence, and her love to the point of madness.

Lust, love, need, excitement and even fear powered through his veins, shocking him with its ferocity. Fear, because the sheer intensity and depth of these feelings were so overwhelming and new to him, he was unsure how to handle them.

His body hummed and vibrated like a tuning fork, he was so stiff and affected right now, veins were sticking out of his cock as the tip pulsated and wept in need.

But reason outweighed instinct and struggling with the agony to hold back, he sighed long and heavy.

She needed her rest.

A little answering noise pressed through her lips, however, the little moan that he had come to know so well this past hour and she had moaned plenty and had turned his world on end.

He gasped as her leg cheekily pressed between his, her thigh nudging and rubbing his rock-hard erection.

“Mmm…”

She liked what she felt and gave a low, sultry purr as she opened her eyes to meet his.

Excitement glittered in her eyes, and he cupped the back of her neck and drew her to him. His mouth sealed over hers, hot and wet, his tongue stroking inside and taking what he needed.

Her slender arms circled his neck, her soft breasts pressed tightly to his chest as he devoured her mouth, feeling their combined hunger rising like a tidal wave.

Her skin beckoned, smooth and heated and so delicate he groaned aloud at the simple pleasure of his fingers touching and feeling her.

For long minutes their naked bodies writhed and ground against each other in heated insatiable lust.

The desperate, pleading sounds she made destroyed him. Each moan, each sigh, sliced through him and fisted around his aching balls.

“Can you take me again, love?” He panted huskily.

Hearing him say ‘love’ in his lovely, growly voice thrilled her.

“Yes, please!”

Turning and spooning her, so her back was against his chest, he lifted her leg up and back so it lay over his.

His hand circled his cock, finding her slick entrance with the large sensitive head.

He brushed over her clit a few times, sending tingling waves through her body.

Then he plunged into her; a long, liquid slide that tore a shout from his mouth.

Pressing back, she took him the rest of the way in, greedy for the feel of him filling her. 

She came almost instantly, stiffening and gasping out his name as he sunk deep inside. 

His eyes flared wide in response; he watched her body rock and tremble with contractions, but he didn’t stop, didn’t wait. He pulled out and drove in again, then kept going, making sure she felt every exhilarating thrust.

His large hands held her securely to him, directing each rhythmic surge so that it would be more stimulating than the last.

Her sex still rippled with aftershocks of her orgasm and those small shivers of her inner muscles worked up and down the length of his cock, pulling him along with her reawakening need. 

Loud, unbridled grunts of male desire tore from his throat as he enjoyed her tightness wrapped around him.

“I’ve wanted you for so long, Lizzy.” He choked out. “Wanted to be the one who does this to you.”

Hearing his pleasure in what he was doing to her, listening to him murmur her name and how much he needed her, sent her higher and higher until she was sure she was about to explode into a thousand pieces.

In no time she came again, helplessly, endlessly, and he thrust into her with so much power and passion that the sheer eroticism of his joy in making love to her sent her over the edge to another stunning release.

Lost to thought, to reason, to anything but the incredible sight and sensations of Liz coming undone in front of him, because of him, had him following suit.

Groaning, his body bucked and jerked in rapture as he poured himself into her, making him weak. 

When at last he jolted to a stop, he buried his face into her neck, eyes tightly closed.

It was long minutes before he was able to open them again.

Carefully easing out of her, he could hardly speak.

“Lizzy?”

With an effort she turned around to face him, looking at him with an unfocused, silverly daze, drifting somewhere in clouds and warm mists that washed through her. She could feel his body still trembling.

“Are you all right?” He murmured, his breath touching her lips.

“Yeah.” She gave the soft little laugh he loved so much. “I’m ridiculously happy.”

Rolling onto his back, he pulled her with him, gathering her to his chest. With just a small bit of wrangling he managed to spread the blanket over them both.

Sated and too content to climb out of this warm bath of shared skin, they soon fell asleep.

******

Ever since they were on the run together, he’d often dreamed of waking up next to her and now his very fantasy had come true.

He turned his head and looked at her sleeping peacefully, her breath coming slowly, her face incredibly young and beautiful.

Dreamily, it occurred to him that this was where he wanted to be, where he wanted to belong.

By her side. Always.

She shifted closer towards him and one hand warm, delicate and soft, settled onto his cheek, caressing him.

He moved his head enough to press his lips there and kiss her.

“Hi.” She said smiling, though her eyes were still closed.

“Good morning, love.”

Tantalizing, he kissed her wrist, her palm, and each finger, exhaling warm breath onto it.

She shivered at the touch, gooseflesh rippling along her skin.

“Is it time to get up?”

“You can stay in bed as long as you would like.”

“With you?”

“Yes.” He chuckled. “Though I think Agnes wouldn’t agree.”

Her eyes opened and he gazed into the sleep hooded amazing blue depths. 

“Red, last night was … I …” She stammered.

“I know …” He said and briefly and closed his eyes to the memories of her coming apart for him.

“I didn't know it could be so good, so perfect. You made me feel so good.” She whispered, closing her eyes, absorbing each of his small kisses, cherishing the intimacy between them.

“I want you to get used to having me in your life and many more amazing days and nights like this one.” Liz said and her face glowed with peace and contentment, her eyes shining with promise. “I want us to spend the rest of our lives together.”

She looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something, to return the sentiment.

“Are you sure it’s what you really want?”

Her expression fell instantly and visibly annoyed, she snatched her hand away from his exploring mouth.

Disappointment darkened her eyes and her voice.

“How can you still doubt that I love you? That I want to be with you?”

“I just need you to be sure that what you're doing is right, and that you're doing it for the right reasons.”

“Sounds like you're the one who's not sure, Red.”

She could read him so well and had hit his weak spot.

“I just never want you to regret me.”

His heart was in his throat and his eyes betrayed him - soft, puppy eyes, searching for the certainty only she could give, because he still feared her rejection.

Liz sat up, then, the blanket falling from her breasts, and her head tilted to one side. She studied him as she might an object washed up on the beach, weighing its value, considering its purpose.

“For years, when I looked at you, all I ever wanted was to know the truth, find out all your secrets and discover who you really were.

“Through all the darkness that came along with my quest for exposure, the one thing that kept me going was that I believed in my heart that all the losses I endured and every twisted maneuver I tried, would pay-off eventually.

“But they didn’t because I was wrong.”

She bit her lip before continuing.

“I went away to leave the past behind and to put an end to it all, but what happened instead was that I started to see and feel clearly. Looking from a distance helped me see the big picture, not just the details.”

Liz expression changed to seriousness and sincerity.

“When I look at you today, I really see _you_. I see the pain, the struggles, the challenges you have been through for my protection and safety.

“And most of all I see the man who loves me, truly and deeply.

“So yes, I’m absolutely sure.” She vowed.

He swallowed hard, choked with emotions.

“Then I’ll find a way to make it happen.”

“How so? What do you have in mind?”

She blurted out the words without thinking, smiled at him in joy and excitement, but soon her happiness vanished as she watched him hesitate, as if weighing his answer.

“I can’t tell you.”

For a moment she stared at him, stunned.

“Why not?” She asked, struggling to keep the hurt from her voice.

“You wanted out. I’ll keep you out.”

He could see his answer upset her, seeing as she scowled, looking away.

“I need you to trust me, one last time.”

He gave her a pleading look, silently begging her to accept whatever he was going to do.

Liz faltered, and despite herself, she gave a nod.

Just a moment ago she’d declared that his secrecy wouldn’t matter anymore; now she had to stick to it.

She knew he couldn’t just leave the criminal empire he’d constructed for decades. If at all there was a way out, any way to live with her and Agnes in peace, he’d find it; she had to have faith in that.

“Just promise me you’ll return to us.” She said and lay back down onto him, putting her head next to his heart, struggling to keep back the tears.

“I will.” He pledged, but in his heart, he wondered if he could keep that promise.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Red stared out of the plane window pensively, watching the patchwork countryside gradually disappear below the thickening wisps of clouds.

He felt tired, a headache throbbed inside his skull and even his favorite Scotch couldn’t quite burn away the uncomfortable feeling of sickness in his stomach.

Swirling the amber-gold liquid in the bottom of the glass, he grimaced at the irony of the whole situation. He’d built his criminal empire to protect Elizabeth and himself, now he’d have to tear it down for the same reasons.

With little time to contemplate the best course of action regarding his future, he’d summoned the two people he trusted the most: Dembe and Marvin Gerard. He was sure together they’d find the right way and figure it all out.

Papers and documents needed to be retrieved and secured. Bank accounts had to be closed and the money transferred without leaving a trace. 

He was thinking of splitting his business into divisions in order to recruit valuable associates for specific jobs, or pay out those with cash who’d want to opt out of the arrangement entirely.

Or was it wise to simply take his money, then walk away and leave everything to the vultures? A lot of people would benefit from his absence.

He knew Little Luciano was just waiting to take over his arms trades. More than a handful of people were willing to die to own his ship trading routes. He was a thorn in the side of most drug and medical cartels’ worldwide, not to mention governments and law enforcements. 

He wondered how many people were still out there, looking for him, hunting him. The list of his enemies had significantly shortened while working with the task force, but he doubted he was save to roam free.

Taking a deep audible breath, he brought the glass to his lips and finished it in one long swig.

Closing his eyes, he allowed himself a moment to rest and think of his girls, which he already missed terribly.

******

Liz sat on the living room couch, a woolen blanket draped over her legs. She was snacking on yogurt pretzels while sewing tulle material to Agnes’ leotard. 

The TV was running in the background but Liz barely paid attention as the sewing proved tedious and slow.

A few weeks ago, Agnes had joined beginner’s classes at a private ballet school and as it had turned out, she proved talented, while enjoying and moving to the music. 

They’d rehearsed a little performance to be presented on stage next week and Agnes was excited about it, kept practicing her part determined and tirelessly.

Liz was thankful for the distraction. Red had been gone for four weeks and hadn’t kept in touch. It bothered and worried her, but while she understood that he needed time to unwind his business, Agnes missed him to the point that her nightmares had returned regularly.

As if on cue, the little girl stood in the doorway, tears falling.

Liz put the leotard away.

“Aww, baby girl come here.” Liz invited and Agnes rushed for a cuddle on her mother's lap.

“Bad dream again?”

Agnes nodded against Liz’s chest and Liz squeezed her a little tighter.

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

Agnes vehemently shook her head and Liz knew better than digging at her for answers that she clearly didn't want to give.

Instead, Liz brushed her hand over the little girl’s head, soothing her and calmed her sobs.

“Mommy, he's not coming back?” Agnes asked after a while out of the blue.

Appalled by the line of thinking, Liz’ gaze shifted to her daughter, who was watching her with an expression of fear and anguish.

“What makes you say that?”

But Agnes didn’t answer, just kept looking at Liz.

“He’s away for work, honey and its taking longer than expected, but he’ll be back. I promise you that.”

They locked eyes for a moment then Liz held out her pinkie, “Pinkie Promise!”

The look on Agnes’ face changed as they interlocked their pinkies, her look of fear was replaced with a look of trust and hope.

Liz kissed the top of the head. “Let's get you back into bed. It's a school night and you need sleep.”

Agnes yawned as if in agreement.

Holding hands, they rose from the sofa and made their way to Agnes’ bedroom.

They were halfway across the living room when Liz stopped abruptly.

The news appeared and from the corner of her eye she saw the breaking news logo filling the TV screen.

She turned and instantly froze at the words which practically screamed at her: 

_ Raymond Reddington Dead. _

_ FBI’s Most Wanted Found Unresponsive On The Streets of New York. _

The newscaster appeared and Red’s “Most Wanted Picture” was displayed before he began to speak:

“This is breaking news coming live from New York City. We’ve received surveillance footage that indicates that Raymond Reddington, the concierge of crime, has collapsed and very likely died in front of a coffeehouse in Greenwich Village earlier this week.”

A video appeared, showing Red’s black Mercedes parked along the curb right in front of the coffeehouse.

Reddington emerged from the rear door, looking around cautiously. He closed the door, then took a moment to place and adjust his fedora. He’d taken three or four steps from the vehicle when he suddenly staggered, and then collapsed on the concrete sidewalk. 

His body began to writhe and jerk frenetically on the floor, convulsed in heavy uncontrollable spasms as blood poured from a deep gash on his head where he’d hit the ground.

His eyes rolled back in his head until there was only white, and his face contorted in pain and with the obvious difficulty to breathe.

Then, as suddenly as it started, it stopped.

By the time Dembe had run around the car to help him, his body had gone limp and still.

The incident had aroused public attention and people closed in from all sides, leaving Dembe no other choice than to drag Red’s now lifeless form back into the car before he could check for vitals or start any life-saving measures.

One of the last images on the video was the Mercedes speeding away.

“As you can see, he broke down and violent tremors assaulted his body.” The presenter continued and the video started again, now zoomed-in directly on Reddington.

Liz stared at the screen, watching the man she loved die right before her eyes.

She couldn't believe what she saw, didn't want to believe it. But it was clearly Red and each twitch she witnessed felt like a blow to her own gut and heart.

“Mommy?”

Agnes tugged at Liz’ hand, trying to free herself from the sudden squeezing grip. Her eyes followed her mother’s to the TV screen, and she too recognized him.

“Is that Ray?”

Liz didn’t answer… couldn’t answer.

A second video came on showing a burial service.

“Another video was leaked to us today. The eyewitness footage shows the funeral of business tycoon Gregory Davis at a cemetery in Bethesda. Davis died last week, however, we have reasons to believe that this was in fact Raymond Reddington’s funeral.”

The gathering surrounding the grave stood quietly, heads bowed. A priest stood at the head of the open grave and intoned a prayer.

Then, slowly and reverently, the wooden coffin was lowered into the dark ground.

“No, that can’t be.” Liz whispered in genuine shock, then watched in utter horror and disbelief as the camera zoomed in on Dembe who started crying bitterly as he heavily leaned on Heddie for support.

Liz spotted several more known faces in the background, all which she recognized as Red’s inner circle of associates.

Being caught up in her own misery by what she saw, Liz nearly failed to recognize Agnes’ unaccustomed silence.

Too late she realized that this was something that Agnes probably shouldn’t see or hear.

More than once Liz had taken Agnes to Tom’s grave for a visit and Agnes had put flowers beside the headstone. So, she was familiar with the cemetery and the meaning of death.

There was no doubt that she could now connect Red’s collapsing to the funeral scenes to know that he was gone for good.

Agnes had finally pulled herself free from Liz’ hand and dashed off to her room.

Ignoring the TV, Liz ran after her.

Jumping onto her bed, Agnes urgently grabbed the teddy bear and opened the hidden zipper to retrieve the phone, and dialed in the manner that Red had instructed.

"The number you have tried to reach is out of service."

Becoming more and more desperate, Agnes dialed again.

Liz stood in the doorway, watching her anxiously, hoping that perhaps they were both trapped in the same nightmare and all they needed to do was wake up.

"The number you have tried to reach is out of service."

“He’s not picking up!”

Agnes started to cry. Really cry, with loud, gut-wrenching sobs that shook her small body.

Tears blurred her vision when she tried dialing a third time with the same result.

“The number you have tried to reach is out of service.”

"You promised he would come back!" She screamed at Liz at the top of her lungs.

“You promised!”

Uncontrollably bawling now, her entire face was scarlet and tear-streaked. Her nose was running, and she kept sniffling.

With a long, loud wail, she hurled the phone against the wall. It loudly shattered into shards of plastic and metal.

Agnes sank down where the phone had fallen and whimpered in distress and loss, grieving for the man she’d loved and who had been such an important part of her young life.

Liz had never felt this numb, this helpless and heartbroken before as she wept along with her girl.

Red was dead.

After only a short time together she’d lost him. Just when they’d finally found happiness together.

It was the classic drama, the tragic ending for the hero who’d just got the girl.

Liz didn’t know how she could ever move forward from this.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

Agnes was upset, sobs and tears of rage and sadness couldn’t be stopped for a long time, however much Liz tried. She fought off every effort, regardless what Liz said and attempted to do, she didn’t calm down; she was so angry at her mother for breaking her promise. 

Eventually, out of pure exhaustion, the little one fell asleep; Liz felt terrible and wished she could have spared her this kind of pain. 

Liz had gone on autopilot and tucked away her own suffering momentarily in favor of Agnes, but when she came back into the living room and saw that the news report continued to air; she thought she was losing her mind.

The tragic death of Raymond Reddington seemed important enough for the TV broadcast to continue with news of his demise.

Red’s severe convulsions were shocking and gruesome. What had happened to him? Prior to this incident, he was perfectly healthy. Or was he not?

Liz couldn’t watch any longer. If she didn’t switch off the TV, the self-control she so bravely clung to would break; she would end up as the same weeping and screaming mess as Agnes.

She took the remote, and was just about to press the ‘off’ button when to her surprise her former colleague Donald Ressler appeared, then sat down in the studio with the commentator.

“FBI agent Donald Ressler is with us tonight. He’d been the agent in charge of pursuing Raymond Reddington for over a decade.”

“Good evening.” Donald said, looking into the camera.

Liz stared at the screen, her intention to switch off the TV completely forgotten.

“Agent Ressler, would you confirm the authenticity of these videos, please?”

“Yes, they are authentic.”

“Can you tell us why?”

“I recognize Mr. Reddington. Even though I wasn’t able to apprehend him, we did have several close encounters throughout the years.”

“What can you tell us about the funeral video?”

“I can spot several of his associates. The black man crying for example is his bodyguard. He’s followed Reddington like a shadow; they were inseparable for decades. 

Donald then started to point to the men in the background while the video footage zoomed in on each one.

“In the back I recognize Marvin Gerard. He was Reddington’s lawyer.

“This is Glen Carter from the Department of Motor Vehicles.

“Over here, that’s Max Ruddiger, a German explosives expert.

“And this here is Ted Brimley, he was Reddington’s torture specialist.

“They were all on Reddington’s payroll.” Donald summarized. “And I’m sure they don’t mourn Mr. Gregory Davis here.”

“Thank you, agent Ressler for this information.” The presenter said. “But we have more. Welcome, Dr. Haverkamp.”

“Hello.” 

The camera switched from Ressler to the doctor. Liz remembered him instantly.

“Could you please tell us more about your association with Raymond Reddington?”

“I once was his medical on-call specialist in a case of emergency.”

“How did that happen?”

“Three years ago, I was summoned to Mr. Reddington’s aid after he was poisoned by one of his associates. He was in critical condition for many hours, until we found an antidote.”

“So, you’ve saved his life? The life of a wanted criminal?”

“Yes, in exchange for money. He has paid me for my medical service. It was a business deal to me. No more, no less.”

“So, when you look at the video, what do think happened here?”

“I’ve warned him of long-term consequences of that poisoning and given his age, lifestyle and previous injuries, I can only assume he may have suffered from seizures before.

“The seizure he has there…” Dr. Haverkamp pointed towards the images. “…appeared fatal to me, and I think he either died of an extended pause in breathing that led to less oxygen in the blood and suffocation. Or the seizure caused a fatal disruption in heart rhythm, resulting in the heart stopping.”

“Thank you, for the insights, gentlemen.” The Broadcaster said, then turned to Ressler once more.

“So, how do you feel about his death? Looks like your odyssey to catch him is finally over.”

“Well, he got what he deserved at last. He was a dangerous and ruthless criminal who’d been evading capture for years. We’re better off without him.”

Liz couldn’t bear to hear anymore. To her astonishment, the more the two men wanted to make the world believe Raymond Reddington was dead and the more proof they presented, the more it dawned on Liz that it may be all a huge set-up.

They’d all worked together and orchestrated one last coup.

Red hadn't died. He'd faked his death. It was perfectly plausible and logical and God, it had worked.

A simmer of hope, a tiny spark, lit up in Liz’ chest and it carried her through a long and restless night.

******

When babysitter Christina came in the morning to pick up Agnes for school, she found Liz and Agnes in the kitchen.

Agnes was still in her pajamas, her eyes were reddened and swollen, and she appeared exhausted. She was absently picking at the toast in front of her without dignifying Liz nor Christina with so much as a glance.

Liz looked equally defeated and sad.

“Good morning you two! Is everything all right?” Christina eyed them worriedly.

“I’m sorry, Christina. I forgot to call you.” Liz apologized. “I’m leaving Agnes at home today. We suffered a personal loss and it’s just…”

Agnes abruptly stood at that, almost knocking over the chair she was sitting on, then dashed off out of the kitchen.

“It’s so difficult for Agnes.” Liz tried to explain. “And she’s mad at me too.”

“I’m so sorry for your loss.” Christina said and enfolded Liz in a compassionate hug. “Is there anything I can do?”

“No, thank you.”

“Well, just call me if you need me, okay?”

“Okay.”

They separated and Liz brought Christina to the door, passing a dejected Agnes, who hung around in the corridor aimlessly and watched them suspiciously.

“Bye, Agnes.” Christina said, but there was no reply.

When Christina opened the door, she gasped at the appearance of a man standing on the doorstep without moving, a suitcase on each side of him, one filled with stacks of cash, the other contained his belongings.

Liz clapped a hand over her mouth in shock at the sight of him.

“You’re alive!” Liz breathed, her feelings in absolute turmoil.

Agnes’ head jerked toward him. She released a strangled cry of joy and relief and sprang across the room and caught him about the waist. She latched on with all of her strength, squeezing him hard.

Red let go of his luggage and hugged her in return, lifting her up effortlessly, encircling her small form and rocked her gently in his arms. Her tears soaked his shirt, but her world was a little bit better now.

Liz stood and watched the heartwarming reunion between them, wiping at her own tears of happiness.

After a long moment Red put Agnes back down and released her, but Agnes clung to his legs, unwilling to let him go just yet.

Red gave Liz a helpless apologizing smirk but Christina caught the look of longing between the adults.

Walking up and bending down, she stroked Agnes face that was pressed against his thigh.

“Agnes, darling, come with me into the garden, the sunrise is so beautiful this morning.” She said, trying to lure her away.

“No.” Agnes said stubbornly and turned away from the caress.

“But your mom would like to say hello and hug your friend too.”

“Just for few minutes, sweetheart.” Red pleaded and Agnes hesitantly let go of him.

“Okay.” She agreed but remained unhappy.

“I’ll be right back with you.” He promised, then watched Christina taking Agnes’ hand to leave the house.

“Thank you.” Liz mouthed at her and Christina nodded and smiled at them.

Taking his baggage, Red stepped inside and put it down. After closing the door, he focused back on Liz.

He found her staring at him with such intensity in her eyes that he didn’t dare blink.

He looked so different. Gone were his suit and tie and the expensive shoes, instead he donned casual light pants, a grey shirt and a red jacket.

His hair was longer, and he wore black rimmed glasses, his face was shadowed by a sexy scruff of beard growth.

It was strange to have the same man who’d always looked so strong and confident now look so sensitive and unsure.

He'd given up everything for her. Stripped off his past, his empire, his life. Everything. Just like he’d promised. The depth of his love amazed and humbled her. It made her realize the power she had over him and how much she meant to him.

Stepping closer, she looked deep into his eyes, seeing all his feelings there. The ones he’d kept from her for so many years, the ones he’d been afraid to tell her. So much tenderness, so much affection and so much love.

She cupped his face in her small, soft hands. “Red.” She murmured, and he felt her hands trembling in wonder.

She looked like hell, he thought. Her hair falling in wavy tendrils, her eyes puffy, her face drawn. But hell, to him, she was gorgeous. It made her look sweet and vulnerable and like she needed him to take her in his arms and set her world to rights.

He never wanted this woman to know another moment of pain. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to love her. Forever.

Pulling her in for a kiss, he silently begged her for forgiveness when his soft lips tenderly brushed over hers.

The kiss began gently, but when Liz parted her mouth to gain Red’s probing tongue entrance, it intensified into a deep yearning.

His scruff scratched her cheek in the most intimate way, sending a thrill all the way to her core.

He gripped her hips and drew her against him, full length, until there was no mistaking in his intentions.

His scent seeped into her nostrils, made her insides melt. She gyrated her hips against the thick erection, her nipples tightened, and her sex started to dampen and quiver in need. 

Their tongues mingled hotly, explored greedily and devoured incessantly and he pushed her into the next wall, caging her.

He’d missed her and was desperate to feel her, to be reunite with the woman he loved.

“Do you want me?” His low, erotically textured voice drove her insane.

“So much,” she gasped, pushing against him.

They knew they didn’t have much time, but they knew that they needed to have each other. Right now.

He reached lower between their bodies and undid her jeans, pushing them down right along with her underwear in one move so that he could cup her in his hand.

A long thick finger dipped into her, testing her readiness. She was so wet for him, so warm and welcoming.

“Hurry.” She urged at the feel of his touch.

Pushing his pants and briefs down enough to free himself, he watched her gaze shifting and going directly to his midsection, then lower. There it lingered while she took in the glory of his manhood, the enormity of his erection that accentuated the degree of his arousal and his need.

“I’m dying to feel you.” She whimpered softly, her eyes covered in a haze of lust.

He growled softly into her ear, full of promise and threat as he took hold of one of her legs and lifted it up near his waist.

The intimidating weight and length of him thudded against her wet, swollen flesh. He pressed the head of his cock against her slick opening, pushing in just a little to open her to him.

She moaned and gripped his shoulders, her core clenched in anticipation.

Unceremoniously, he then flexed his abdomen, and she cried out to the incredible sensations of being filled as her body gave way to make room for his impossible length.

Red hissed through his teeth as the hot, wet, tight warmth of her enveloped him.

Once he was all the way in, she wrapped both arms around the back of his neck.

The fullness stole her breath. She felt him everywhere, igniting her every nerve ending, assailing her senses and invading her heart and mind.

As good as it felt to be inside her, Red needed more. He reached down to grab her other leg and Liz hopped up to wrap them both around him.

Holding her up against the wall, he cupped her buttocks, his strong hands kneading and squeezing her slightly as he dragged her over his length more firmly now, setting a quick and hard rhythm.

Holding her body immobile, he diligently increased the tempo and amplified the pace, pumping into her nonstop with possessive deliberation and unrestrained fervor.

Every withdrawal was a maddening loss, every deep plunge excruciating ecstasy.

“You’re going to make me come, Red.” She keened and leaned her face in close to his and grunted every time he thrusted into her.

The sounds of her building pleasure went straight from his ears to his cock and he slammed against her as hard as he could until she shattered in his arms. Currents of release crashed through her and he kissed her deeply, stifling the loud moans she wanted to let out.

He urgently thrusted up into her twice more before the spasmodic clenching of Liz’ inner muscles around his throbbing member was his undoing.

His body stiffened and he pulsed deep inside her as he climaxed along with her.

Holding her steady as they both rocked and arched to completion took all the strength he had. They panted heavily, trying to catch their breaths as ripples of pleasure still coursed through them.

She whimpered slightly when he regretfully withdrew from her body and let her slide down to her feet.

Unwilling to let him go just yet, she sagged against him, feeling herself unraveling, her eyes burning with a sudden wash of tears.

He held her steady in his arms, his chest cushioned her face.

Embarrassed by her tears, Liz pushed at him and gave his chest a light blow with her small fist.

“We thought you were dead…” She sniffed. “Do you have any idea how that felt?”

“Yes.” He said thickly. “In fact, I do.”

She released an anguished sigh as the familiar guilt clenched her heart. Of course, he knew. He’d suffered the same loss when she’d faked her death.

Maybe they were even now.

“It was the only way out.” He started to explain, but she nodded in understanding.

“I know.”

She closed her eyes and he gently caressed her face and then ran his fingers through her silky hair.

“I love you, Lizzy.”

Finally, he’d said it back. The three words she so desperately needed to hear to know everything would be all right in their world going forward.

She pulled back enough to look at him.

“I love you too, Raymond.”

But he shook his head.

“Raymond is dead.”

Liz looked confused.

“My name is Nicolaj. Nicolaj Lasarew.

Liz thought she didn’t hear right.

“Of all the names you’d to pick a Russian one?”

“It’s my real name, Lizzy.”

Stunned and shocked she gazed at him. He was telling her the truth, the one truth he’d protected, and she’d hunted for years.

“Oh my god…” She muttered and squeezed out more tears at the revelation.

“Call me Nico.” He encouraged and smiled, wiping her tears away with his fingertips.

After cleaning themselves up quickly and dressing back into their clothes, they joined Christina and Agnes outside in the garden.

Agnes sat on the swing and watched the sky. They stepped behind her, the little girl between them, as the sunrise's red and golden glow lighted up the horizon.

******

Agnes was inseparable from him all day, clung to him like glue. He tried his best to make up to her his long absence and the suffering he’d caused by spoiling her with affection and attention.

At bedtime however, as they lay cuddled together in her bed and he read to her, he felt that something was still bothering her.

He put the book away and looked at her.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“I’ve broken the phone.”

Agnes couldn’t look back at him, shame beginning to fill her little heart. Her eyes began to overflow with tears and a sob escaped from her lips.

At that moment, he swore to himself that he’d no longer give his girls any reason to cry. The times that he caused them unhappiness were at an end.

Agnes pulled out a little cardboard box from under her blanket and opened the lit. Inside he saw every piece of the smashed phone.

“You won’t ever need this phone again, Agnes.” He said soothingly.

“Why not?”

“Because I’ll never leave again. I’ll stay with you and your mom and we’re going to be a family.”

Her tiny face lit up at that.

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

There was one last thing he felt he needed to say even though he wasn’t sure if she would understand. He knew he’d a lot of explaining to do once she grew older.

“Remember the frog in your fairytale book? Who changed into a handsome prince after the princess had kissed him and who then left his world to come to live with the princess?”

“Yes.” Agnes nodded.

“When your mommy kissed me, I changed just like the frog.”

“Yes, you look different now.” She observed. “You have a beard and glasses.”

“And a new name.” He added. “Nico.”

Tears forgotten, Agnes giggled. “I like it.”

“What you saw on tv was me leaving my world. It looked awful and I know it made you sad and angry, but it was the only way to ensure I can be here now. For all eternity.

Agnes gave him a beaming smile that took his breath away. She got to her knees and threw her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek.

He closed his eyes and hugged her back. Time would tell if his explanation was enough.

Liz came in and joined them on the small bed. With their limbs huddled together, all three of them smiled, finally content and happy. 

They got another chance to leave the past behind, to move on, to heal, to love and to build a new life.

It was what they needed the most.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been my longest story to date. Thank you everyone for reading, commenting and giving kudos.  
> Thank you to my most precious friend heatherpeters for all her help and advice on this story. ♥♥  
> For my next story I'll dip my toes into the fairytale/fantasy world as well, so stay tuned.  
> Please stay safe you all!


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